Wednesday, June 30, 2010♥

i can say, my life is at my lowest point now. (at least up till these 18 years)
struggling with school work,
future seems so dim now,
constantly having people who wants to enter my life to screw it badly then leave
parents who don't understand me at all,
parents who only know how to hurl vulgarities when i'm very tired and just need some rest,
fighting so hard for a love that seems so far,
putting on a mask everyday to school,
enduring shits from ppl yet cannot retaliate.

i'm really very sick of faking a smile to school everyday
qy is NOT a clown kay.
i dont necessarily have to smile and make everyone laugh everyday.
i'm not having a very nice time now.
i'm really very tempted to shut myself in a cave and never ever come out.
i'm tired of facing people.
i don't even wish to talk now.
i just want some time alone, to rest, to settle my thoughts
but no!
they just have to come in and ruin everything.
i come home, being very drained by stats.
just wanted to catch some sleep, guess wad?
woke up hearing HER hurling vulgarities to my sister about me giving attitude and stuff
WTH?
u guys like to come home late late late,
u all didnt know how i was everyday when i reach home then DON'T say that i'm giving attitude.
u guys chose to let me grow up independently, u guys chose to give shit care to me when i needed guidance during my growing up years, u guys chose to be concerned about my results only.
then let's continue this way please?
don't come into my life now to mess up everything.
dun expect me to tell u guys everything now cuz we ain't that close.
do u tell things to a stranger?
to me, u guys are like strangers, very distant, very far.
it's like i almost couldn't reach.
where were u guys when i was calling out for help, where were u guys when i needed support.
then when i dun tell u guys stuff, this is called attitude?
and please, u guys didnt even ask me.
when i dun talk first, it's called attitude.
crap.
stop all these nonsense please.
for now, my priority would only be studies.
nth else.
i really dun have the spare energy to think about other stuff.
i'll break down.
stop pushing me to my limits.
a rubber band can snap if over-stretched.
i'm damn tired of smiling.

leave me alone if u think that u'll ruin my life.
and i'll leave u alone too.

i'm really very very very very drained..

i still have to wait for 2nd july, for a date from u..
i really dun have the strength to wait already..
i'm breaking down soon.
if u're moving on, then all the best.
good luck to u.
i've really put in my best of efforts.
if it's not going to work, it won't work.
so i'm gonna stop trying.
goodbye. smile with me at 8:37:00 PM