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Thursday, January 13, 2011♥
yea, this is the reason why i'm still holding on to everything that's keeping me going. things came collapsing on me recently again. and i'm finding it hard to smile and pretend that nothing's wrong when everything's wrong. it hurts to smile now. nonetheless, i just want to reassure everyone of you who's concerned about me that i WILL be alright. i have survived the previous phase and i'm sure i'll survive this phase too. it's just a phase of mine that i have to overcome it alone. I can't possibly depend on someone whenever something happens. It's just not helping me. It's time i stand up alone and deal with whatever that's coming against me (: trust me, friends. if i could, i'll really tell you guys everything that is going through my mind now but the reason why i'm not sharing fully is because the thoughts are all messed up in me and i can't put them into words for you. yup, have faith in me and continue to pray for me are the only two things you guys can do for me i guess (: thank you all so much for the constant care and love showered on me despite me keeping you guys out of my circle. it's just something i need to learn when overcoming this phase too i guess. to stop pushing people away in fear that they will hurt me. i'm sorry to those whom i've pushed away before we could even get close. it's just me i guess :/ sorry for disappointing you sometimes.
but my greatest apology is to friends whom i've been unable to be there for you when you need me. sorry for promising that i'll be there for you always yet not living up to my promise. it's normal that you chose to drift away from me i guess since i haven't been making the effort to keep up with the friendship between us. it's just bugging me so much that i'm losing myself and friends around me. all i ask is that you'll place your faith in me that one day, when i've finally found myself, i'll come back to our friendship once again and fulfill my promise. this, i promise you my friend that i'll never break my promise again. sorry for the hurt.
i guess i'm no longer gonna try to fix friendships that are broken due to rumors. i'm at a loss of what am i suppose to do if random people just decide to bitch about me and the supposed friend of mine chose to believe them than me. sorry for letting go.
anyway, things are starting to get a little better i guess. with the support from you all, i'm starting to take the step out towards my fears. the steps will continue to come. and one day, i'll be able to smile as real as i can be.
this sums up what i have to say about what had happened to me recently.
you,
i'm glad i chose to ask you about what happened between us instead of acting like nothing's wrong and slowly drifting apart. what you've requested last night is still in my mind and yes, i'm willing to wait for you to go through everything that you're going through now, friend. i just wanna let you know that no matter what i'm going through now, i'll still be there for you no matter what. no matter what time and where, when you need a listening ear, i'm here. one day, i hope that you'll no longer be an answering machine and share your thoughts and feelings with me freely without me probing much (: i believe that u'll be able to go through this period and be stronger after because you're awesomely strong. :D *hug*
i'm not going to get emo over you ever again. if this is how things are going to be, i'll just go with the flow and take one step at a time. if things are not going to turn out like how i wish it would be, at least the most i can do is to prevent myself from losing our friendship. i just wanna care for you and be there for you. no expectations at all, i promise. and, isly. (:
to give up, takes some time.
to carry on, takes some courage.
i choose to carry on for myself & for those who loves me.
thank you so much.