MY STORY.

我不甘心。

Wednesday, September 28, 2011♥

why did we end up like that.

like two strangers who've never met.

i'm still waiting for the day when we become like how we used to be.

foolish, but true.

i'm still looking forward to that day.

there hasn't been a day whereby i wouldn't think about us.

how did things end up like this?

i don't know.

the only thing i'm certain is,

you destroyed me.

a part of me will always miss us.

"I go back to december all the time."
what a relevant song lyric.
so close to my heart.

Labels: tumblr, you(:, yunho ♥

smile with me at 4:47:00 AM

Wednesday, June 22, 2011♥

i haven't been controlling myself from thinking about you these few days.

i miss you, us, and all the memories.

deep down in me, i know that those memories were with a motive

but i'm still blindly holding on to them.

~~tell me how to forget you.~~

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and to the one who has been asking me those questions on formspring,
yea. i know who you are.
always know that.
you've always been the one knocking sense into me, getting me to realise another point of view.
you're just the silent guardian angel
i've always felt your presence.
thanks a lot.

Labels: tumblr, you(:

smile with me at 11:53:00 PM

Tuesday, June 21, 2011♥

Labels: tumblr, you(:

smile with me at 3:16:00 AM

Wednesday, June 01, 2011♥

i'm going through a really rough patch now.

towards you, all that's left is only disappointment.

and it's turning into resentment.

you made me realise that our friendship meant nth to you.

it was just a source of entertainment to you in the past.

i'm picking up these hidden meanings behind your actions that i was so afraid to know.

so afraid to the extent that i was in denial.

i didnt even dare to blog about us.

afraid to explore all these thoughts.

but all these efforts were useless and stupid.

utterly disappointed.

i'm changing, and i'm afraid of changing because i'm turning into someone i used to be.

i'm afraid to hate, afraid to dislike.

i'm most afraid to hurt.

i haven't been blogging happy thoughts recently. :/

so sorry.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

dear God,

i know You'll give me the strength to go through this rough patch.

Please help me be a better person.

Labels: reflection, you(:

smile with me at 12:06:00 AM

Sunday, May 22, 2011♥

how i wish..

i go back to december all the time..

when everything were happy and simple.

i miss the old "us".

but things will never be the same again.

the last thing i can do for you is to

promiseyoui'llneverstepintoyourlifeagain.

Labels: goodbyes, you(:

smile with me at 2:20:00 PM

Thursday, May 19, 2011♥

i don't wanna put my thoughts about us in words cuz i guess it will be a 10 pages thesis. LOL.

also, every thought stab me like a cold knife :/

i'm glad we're friends once again.

but i'm not glad we're friends once again.

the feeling will never be the same anymore.

never.

i'm left with an imperfect smile.

first time i'm so affected by someone :/

don't ever assume that by leaving my life, you're protecting me.

because, whenever someone leaves, my heart builds one additional layer of wall.

to you.

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景

到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还想你
我很不服气也开始怀疑
眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

shall continue this post another day, when i have the courage to think of you.

Labels: you(:

smile with me at 11:56:00 PM

微笑。

Monday, May 09, 2011♥

因为害怕失去温暖，所以才让自己冷漠和疏远。

我总在别人面前装出一副 ‘不在乎’，好像和整个世界为敌的态度。

觉得自己就像刺猬一样，让人无法接近。

很多人都对我避之唯恐不及。

我害怕别人的关怀，我害怕别人的关心，我更害怕别人温暖的爱。

我宁可别人不要走进我的世界也好过走进了才选择离开。

为了保护自己，我选择在心里建设一道隐形的墙。

我不让任何人走进我的世界。

但我讨厌这样的自己！！

所以，你的出现，改变了我。

原本以为我能开始接受别人。

但，当我试着接受的温暖时，我又开始失去温暖。

我以为你会是那个让我一直一直微笑的人，但，我错了。

尽管你以前所有的承诺，你还是伤害了我。

如果无法实现你的承诺，一开始就不要承诺。

无法实现承诺带来的伤痛，比不承诺，还要痛上一万倍。

我已没有勇气再接受别人的温暖了。

或许，在整个过程中，我真的喜欢上你。

但，我不曾想过改变我们的关系。

你的逃避，让我更加明白一切。

我知道，我们已无法再像以前那样了。

但，我还是要谢谢你给过我的每一段回忆。 (:

我，答应你，我会更勇敢。

Labels: you(:

smile with me at 11:26:00 PM

不是不爱，是不敢爱。

something that i've never been able to tell you.

Labels: you(:

smile with me at 12:20:00 AM

a picture speaks a thousand words

Sunday, January 16, 2011♥

they all say, a picture speaks a thousand words.

so i have a few thousand words here? :/

i wonder what goes through your head when you see me :/

credits: tumblr.com

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i'm sorry that i'm not replying you.

i'm sorry that i was being mean.

i'm sorry that things are like that now.

i'm sorry that i ruined yet another friendship.

perhaps i just can't maintain a friendship without ruining anything.

hope you'll have better friends.

thanks for being such an awesome and nice friend, late night msn buddy.

thanks for caring when no one cares.

don't turn back to this friendship, nothing's worth your effort.

hurt is caused, damage is done, sorry or not doesn't matter anymore.

*hug* take care.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

trying to stay positive despite all that's happening recently.

i'm strong enough to survive.

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14/1/11

my hamster died :/

RIP. whenever i walk to the kitchen, heart will sink to the bottom when i don't see the cage there:/ i miss you. i'm sorry.

on a lighter note,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARREN! :D

STAY AWESOME :D

okay, this post is quite late but i wished you many many times that day okay~ :D

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 11:40:00 PM

have faith in me

Thursday, January 13, 2011♥

yea, this is the reason why i'm still holding on to everything that's keeping me going. things came collapsing on me recently again. and i'm finding it hard to smile and pretend that nothing's wrong when everything's wrong. it hurts to smile now. nonetheless, i just want to reassure everyone of you who's concerned about me that i WILL be alright. i have survived the previous phase and i'm sure i'll survive this phase too. it's just a phase of mine that i have to overcome it alone. I can't possibly depend on someone whenever something happens. It's just not helping me. It's time i stand up alone and deal with whatever that's coming against me (: trust me, friends. if i could, i'll really tell you guys everything that is going through my mind now but the reason why i'm not sharing fully is because the thoughts are all messed up in me and i can't put them into words for you.

yup, have faith in me and continue to pray for me are the only two things you guys can do for me i guess (: thank you all so much for the constant care and love showered on me despite me keeping you guys out of my circle. it's just something i need to learn when overcoming this phase too i guess. to stop pushing people away in fear that they will hurt me. i'm sorry to those whom i've pushed away before we could even get close. it's just me i guess :/ sorry for disappointing you sometimes.

but my greatest apology is to friends whom i've been unable to be there for you when you need me. sorry for promising that i'll be there for you always yet not living up to my promise. it's normal that you chose to drift away from me i guess since i haven't been making the effort to keep up with the friendship between us. it's just bugging me so much that i'm losing myself and friends around me. all i ask is that you'll place your faith in me that one day, when i've finally found myself, i'll come back to our friendship once again and fulfill my promise. this, i promise you my friend that i'll never break my promise again. sorry for the hurt.

i guess i'm no longer gonna try to fix friendships that are broken due to rumors. i'm at a loss of what am i suppose to do if random people just decide to bitch about me and the supposed friend of mine chose to believe them than me. sorry for letting go.

anyway, things are starting to get a little better i guess. with the support from you all, i'm starting to take the step out towards my fears. the steps will continue to come. and one day, i'll be able to smile as real as i can be.

this sums up what i have to say about what had happened to me recently.

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you,

i'm glad i chose to ask you about what happened between us instead of acting like nothing's wrong and slowly drifting apart. what you've requested last night is still in my mind and yes, i'm willing to wait for you to go through everything that you're going through now, friend. i just wanna let you know that no matter what i'm going through now, i'll still be there for you no matter what. no matter what time and where, when you need a listening ear, i'm here. one day, i hope that you'll no longer be an answering machine and share your thoughts and feelings with me freely without me probing much (: i believe that u'll be able to go through this period and be stronger after because you're awesomely strong. :D *hug*

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i'm not going to get emo over you ever again. if this is how things are going to be, i'll just go with the flow and take one step at a time. if things are not going to turn out like how i wish it would be, at least the most i can do is to prevent myself from losing our friendship. i just wanna care for you and be there for you. no expectations at all, i promise. and, isly. (:

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to give up, takes some time.

to carry on, takes some courage.

i choose to carry on for myself & for those who loves me.

thank you so much.

Labels: GMH, thoughts, you(:

smile with me at 3:54:00 PM

TYVM

Wednesday, January 12, 2011♥

i guess, sometimes staying back really helps?

had dinner with pw today and was taking my own sweet time walking to the bus stop. even going to the toilet near cheers. that was when i received an sms from a friend telling me he's staying back in school to wait for another friend. stayed back with him and started having a HTHT (i suppose?). it was great, it was exactly something i need now. long chats to distract me from all that i'm going through now.though we weren't really talking about proper topics and the first 1/2 of our convo was basically about random stuff and disturbings, it really helped alot. everything was going nice and well, was laughing, giggling, retard-ing, nonsense-ing till *poke* we reached the sensitive topic. :/ and i can't believe i broke down infront of you. first time crying so badly in school and to make it worse, infront of you =.= nonetheless, thank you so much for the 2 hours chat (: retarded you may be, but you're still the awesome you i know (:

i'm feeling really shitty inside but nonetheless, life still goes on. stay strong, qy.

just so you know, you just stabbed me damn hard on my heart. and i'm not thankful to you for that. i guess it's your way of expressing that you're just not that into me. wadever reason it may be. damaged/hurt done.

i really need a break.

Labels: GMH, thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 12:49:00 AM

tumblr

Tuesday, January 11, 2011♥

“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
— Uknown

found this on tumblr and immediately knew that i'd to share this (:

and guess wad?

you came to my mind (:

pw, please don't box me ): HAHAHA. i love you :D

Labels: you(:

smile with me at 1:44:00 AM

rainbow after thunderstorm

THANKS A MILLION TRILLION ZILLION~ =D

i'm sorry for all the trouble caused :/

it may seem like a small gesture to you but it really means A LOT to me (:

like a rainbow after a thunderstorm :D

like a guardian angel (yes, i can imagine that =.= face on you BUT i really felt this way :X)

thanks a lot. thanks for everything.

---------------------------------------------------------

~~it got me wondering, where were you. :/~~

~~do you even bother :/~~

Labels: GMH, happy days, thoughts, you(:

smile with me at 1:24:00 AM

One day far from now, I want to just smile comfortably

Monday, January 10, 2011♥

today was ultimate shitty. :/

shan't elaborate further here since this isn't exactly the right place to say such things.

but would really like to take this opportunity to thank some of the awesomest people in my life that were there for me.

my sister, dina, pw, tp, dnp, jy.

you guys were awesome.

thanks so much for the care and love and for my sister, time spent the whole day with me out when she could go home and rest. =D

i love you guys ttm ttm ttm ttm ttm.

i can tell everyone that i have awesome friends =D be jealous people~ HAHA. okay, no. be nice. u guys can have your awesome friends too =DDD

okay anyway, i was out whole day and i went to NEX =D awesome place i swear. super biggggggggggggggggg~~~~~ then went to vivo to watch [Meet the Parents : Little Fockers ] to cheer up and IT WAS SUPER DUPER HILARIOUS. WAS LAUGHING SO BADLY.

so glad we chose to watch a movie. totally relaxed and cheered up after the movie =D

ohoh, and i did retail therapy. HAHAHAHAHA.

bought 3 tops today. *guilty*

BUT i NOT shopaholic okay~~

i hardly buy clothes. it's all in the name of CNY. HAHAHAHAH.

totally in love with F21 now =DDDDDD

i've been watching ALOT of movies recently. i think GV should give me some platinum membership for being such a loyal movie-ian. LOL. nonsense. crap. i've been blogging nonsense nowadays but i'm a no sense person anyway right. :X

SCHOOL TMR~

I'M HAPPY CUZ I'M FINALLY GOING BACK TO A SCHOOL LIFE BUT I'M NOT HAPPY CUZ IT MEANS I'M GONNA BE DROWNED WITH SCHOOLWORK AGAIN. ):

well~~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHI-ER-LING!

19 LOHHH~~

LAO REN LAO REN~

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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you.

i miss having you to talk to :/

i miss our never-ending conversations.

and today while walking around, i kept seeing things related to you.

till one point, i really thought i was crazy and hallucinating. :X ahh well.

i bet pw is gonna slap me again for thinking of you.

*world peace*

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 1:04:00 AM

WTS

Saturday, January 08, 2011♥

她让你憔悴许多
她让你不知所措
她一举一动你不停的对我说
我微笑倾听你说
我却越听越心痛
怎么你说的不是我
她比我多了什么
让你愿意耐心等候

我想知道她让你痴心是什么
我想知道她让你疯狂为什么
我知道做的和她没有不同
但是我却不在你心中逗留

我想知道她哪里比我好很多
在你心中她和我有什么不同
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我总换不了你的心动

你让我憔悴很多
你让我不知所措
你一举一动我的心被牵着走
她不经意的走过
你就把我给冷落
嫉妒把我给吞没
她比我多了什么
让你愿意耐心等候

我想知道她让你痴心是什么
我想知道她让你疯狂为什么
我知道做的和她没有不同
但是我却不在你心中逗留

我想知道她哪里比我好很多
在你心中她和我有什么不同
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我总换不了你的心动

我知道了她哪里比我好更多
在你心中我永远不可能会让你心动
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我在你心中没有她多

this is the best song to suit how i feel now :/

sometimes it's just so stupid how one moment i've decided to give up and the next moment falling even deeper just by a small act from you.

hate myself for being so weak :/ i need to pull myself away from you, now.

Labels: you(:

smile with me at 1:31:00 AM

keep your head down

Friday, January 07, 2011♥

i did something kinda daring today?

i told someone that i merely know for a day who i like.

LOL.

but the thing is, i find more comfortable telling someone that i don't know well than someone i'm close with because there is no burden or worry that he/she will tell that person or tell anyone. not like he/she is so free to spread something about an acquaintance right :X

i'm glad i took the step forward in trusting again (:

shall continue to work towards my goal~ =D

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the more i get close, the more i'm afraid of losing it.

i'm not exactly happy now :/

i'm giving up. call me a loser or whatever, i'm really giving up.

i can't believe that i'm crying for you. :/

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 12:29:00 AM

just a dream

Thursday, December 30, 2010♥

ever since i know you,
my life has been on a roller coaster.
:/
i'm about to stop the roller coaster cuz i can't take it anymore.
will you ask me to stay?

Labels: you(:

smile with me at 12:29:00 AM

no air no air~

Wednesday, December 29, 2010♥

I LOVE THIS PIC! HAHAHAHA.
SO CUTE~~~

HELLO TO EVERYONE FROM ANY COUNTRY (:
got hello in all sorts of language here (: HEH.

last one, HELLO ALL MY FRIENDS (:

just read my blog stats and found out that i actually have secret readers (:
HELLO ALL MY SECRET READERS. THANK YOU ALL VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH FOR READING MY BLOG (:
I'M A HAPPY GIRL (:
continue reading my blog kay (: TAG ME IF YOU WANT. HAHAHAHA
i feel like i'm having imaginary secret readers.
HAHAHA. :X ahh well :X

I FEEL SO MOTIVATED TO BLOG EVERYDAY NAOOOO XDDDDD
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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went out with PW today (:
met at PS for thai express
DONE LOTS OF CATCHING UP AND SHOPPING TODAY (:

the $6 earrings i bought today. WTS.
BROKE NAOOO ):
but on the other hand, quite nice nice xDDD LOL.

MATCHING NECKLACES. 3 for $7 NICE AYEEEEE (:
PW DID THIS USING THAI EXPRESS' TISSUE. ITCHY HANDS. TSK! HAHAHA.

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i'm blessed with awesome friends around me who would care for me whenever i'm feeling down (:
to all my awesome friends, I LOVE YOU ALL (:

and today,
i thought of you (:
talked about you (:
blogged about you (:
11:11 (:

Labels: happy days, thoughts, you(:

smile with me at 11:18:00 PM

And I might drive myself insane, If those lips aren't speakin my name

Monday, December 27, 2010♥

have i ever mentioned that i have a "fetish" for guys in specs? HAHAHA. :X

I FINISHED MY LEGALF ESSAY XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

*fireworks everywhere*

5 more days to 2011! :D

i'm gonna do a LONG LONG list of things-i-did-in-2010 xD

i LOVED 2010, but i'm EXCITED for 2011

super hyper after completing my essay :DDDDDD

bad headache but I JUST WANNA BE HIGHHHHH ALL NIGHT

okay, no night, it's 5.08am already :/ sighhhhh.

11:11 (:

Labels: happy days, random, thoughts, you(:

smile with me at 5:01:00 AM

impossible

Saturday, December 25, 2010♥

on x'mas, i've finally realised that i'm past the stage of having butterflies in my stomach/going super high/excitement when you talk to me/when i see you.

perhaps,
because deep in my heart,
i know we're impossible.

it's like an alarm constantly reminding me not to fall so deeply :/

Labels: thoughts, you(:

smile with me at 10:42:00 PM