MY STORY.

i wouldn't change any part of me, just to make you stay.

Monday, September 19, 2011♥

sudden gush of negative emotions hit me likaa 100km/hr train.

"Deep down inside my bitchy attitude,

lies a major insecure kid.
i don't remember much about my childhood.
all i remember was that i cried a lot.
i didn't had a happy childhood."

let's just leave it as that.

i'm afraid to be vulnerable.
it's just that i'm used to telling people "i'm okay"
to the extent that nobody thinks that i will ever have "not-okay" moments.

but, one day, i will be okay.
because 'what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger' right?

You,
i don't know if you still do visit my blog like how you used to.
but i just wanna say that i'm sorry for MIA-ing from your life, again.
I just don't have the courage to say bye.
All along, being friends with you was like, a bonus to me.
I always push friends out of my life. always.
and they never came back.
but you were different. you come back, every time, forgiving me for all the stupid stuff that i do.
You were always there for me, knocking sense into me.
but this time, i'm really letting go.
i can't let this "push-forgive" friendship carry on like this.
i'm sorry.

and thank you for everything you've done for me all these years, never once giving up on me.

p.s it may seem silly but you don't really know the internal struggle in me, do you?

Organization interview on tuesday.
Wish me luck (:

oh, did i mention that i've officially kept all my npcc stuff in my cupboard (except for the PT kits since ATC's not over yet) and don't intend to touch them for a longgggggg longgggggg time.
phewww. that was a major decision you know.
the fact that npcc was a BIG part of my life since 2005, it was kinda hard to get used to life without npcc. but oh wellzxzx, i will survive :D
I had lots of fun during my years as QTSS CI and i thank all my fellow CIs and cadets for all the fun. all the best~ i love you guys soooooo much.

so, it's goodbye npcc, and hello internship (:

Labels: f for friends, left right left

smile with me at 4:47:00 AM

6/28

Saturday, June 25, 2011♥

guess why my title says 6/28?
i got my inspiration from the attendance of my squad on monday's training.
i'm very tired of saying any further.
let's just leave it as "i'm utterly disappointed in them"
do whatever you guys want.
just don't ever tell me things like "i love npcc" "let's bond" and whatever related stuff.
suddenly, everything that you guys had ever promised, sounded like lies after lies to me.
thank you very much (y)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm so sick of going to training.
maybe i should pon trainings too?
shall i?

Labels: left right left

smile with me at 10:59:00 PM

just the way you are

Thursday, April 14, 2011♥

i just wanna say

i love you guys.

each and every one of you is irreplaceable in my heart.

i'll always remember you guys and love you guys just the way you are (:

i look forward to see all your faces again.

till then, study hard & take care!

love

qianying

Labels: left right left

smile with me at 3:27:00 AM

woots

last weekend was a ._.
both days were occupied by the "annual" tomb sweeping. ):
Saturday : woke up at 7am.
Sunday : woke up at 4am. :O
On Sunday, we even went to a relative's house after tomb sweeping.
Was soo frigging tired that i fell asleep there :X
but the food & bandung there was (y)
Back track a bit, on Saturday, after the "activity-of-the-day", we went to Bishan to have our breakfast & shopping. Didn't get what we want and went down to plaza sing. HOHOHO.

got this HUGE & SUPER BRIGHT torchlight for $29. (y)
it's really super good & damn suitable for "tomb-sweeping purposes" LOL.
Went home, had a nap and went down to Singapore Expo for ........
*drumroll*
the John Little Sales!!!!

those that went, GOOD FOR YOU~
those that didn't... oh well. there's always another sale (:

BOUGHT A LOT A LOT A LOT OF STUFF THERE~
Mummaye, sister & I spent a total of $296 (after discount) there. WOAHHHH~~
shall show you guys what I bought (:

minus the stuff that i can't show you guys of course. :X

Za concealer!

after discount : ~$7 each!
Usual Price: $13? (+/-)

so i bought 2 tubes! (hopefully can last till the next sale? LOL)

*sorry to put different brands side by side*
Maybelline Pure Pact Mineral Foundation! :D
after discount : ~ $9-10 (or cheaper)
usual price : $12?

(got to check out the price again BUT definitely cheaper at the sale!)

only bought 1 because i might be changing my brand of foundation :X

okay! enough of make-up.
now to my best buy of the day~~~~~~ tadaa~
MEMORY PILLOW!

it's CUMULUS BAMBOO CHARCOAL SERIES MEMORY FOAM PILLOW~

wahh. ATAS name siotzxzx (y)

just trying to show off the uses of this pillow
but i guess most pillows have these uses too :X

Now for the price difference....
*drumroll*~~~~

Original price : $89.90

guess what's the discounted price?

*suspense*

FRIGGING $29.90!!!!!

OMGGGG.

okay, this pillow clearly showed the kiasu side of me.
i shall share the story here.
i was browsing through the food section when suddenly, there's this voice that came out of the PA system.
i wasn't really paying attention because i usually would ignore such announcement.

then blah blah blah.
heard words like "hourly special" and stuff.

didn't really bother because i thought the items were those things that i'm not interested in.
then the magic word appear...
*memory pillow original price $89.90. now selling at only $29.90 with a further 20% discount*
WOAHHHHH.

i've always wanted a memory pillow but didn't get one because they are usually very expensive if you realise.
e.g. Jean Perry's memory pillow are usually selling at $129 ):
i walked/ran over to the place and saw that the pillows looked kinda decent and after thinking for 1-2 minutes (as usual) i GRABBED one. LOL.
took out my phone to call my sister and mummaye who were also in the hall but as the place was too big, i didn't want to waste time to walk around & find them.
grabbed another one for my sister and went to find them.
but bought one only in the end because Jean Perry's memory pillow was also selling at ~ $29.
DON'T SAY THAT I'M STUPID JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T TAKE THE JEAN PERRY ONE!
i was comparing both and chose the one that i grabbed first because Jean Perry's pillow's shape wasn't really to my liking. too round ):
but anyway, was really proud of this BEST BUY OF THE DAY! :D
sleeping on it everyday and really, within seconds POP fall asleep~ :D

Side-track a little.
there was also a MPH sale at Hall.... 6?

Looked through the whole hall and only found this book that caught my eye.
as you guys can see, it's the same author as PS. I Love You (y)
I bought PS. I Love You too and i loveeeeeeee that book (y)

so i reckon, this book is going to be just as awesome :D
haven't started reading this because i've got 2 books on hand to clear despite my schedule. :X

Last but not least, the facial products!
i forgot to mention,
one of the brand was having a 20% +20% offer!
or was it all the facial product brands?

forgot :X
sorry~ it doesn't matter anyway right. the sale ended.

oh, and i also bought an Adidas shorts there which i forgot to take a picture of it and i'm too lazy to do so now. :P
next time if there's sucha sale, no harm going down to take a look!

you might never know what you'll find there! :D
those who say that Expo is too far,
i just wanna say : THERE'S NTH SUCH AS "FAR" IN SINGAPORE!
jurong - Expo only 1 hour~~~ it's not like you need 1 day to travel right. :D

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sorry for not updating for many many many days.

been busying preparing for a lot of things.

NCO POP.

trainings.

blah blah blah.

finally able to catch a breather nao but school is starting in another 4 days' time? ):
(not to mention that the timetable SUCKS)
whatever it is, i'm gonna take everything lightly.

not gonna show my emotions easily naoo.

control~ is the first step to success ^^

been playing maple nowadays.

(i heard people saying "no life")

SHUT UP. >:l

LOL. joking~

say whatever you want. it's not like i really care :D (y)

peace yo.

Labels: left right left, retarded moments

smile with me at 2:52:00 AM

final goodbye?

Monday, April 04, 2011♥

looking through the fb page they've created,

i came to realise how much they have matured.

these few days, i've been wondering whether to leave or not

and my concern was the sec 2 squad.

but upon looking at the page, i know they are ready to stand on their on.

and i'm really proud of that.

from a squad who don't even know how to fall in, to a squad that will cry when they see their NCO doing push-ups.

i dare not say that i'm the one who taught them these

but i dare to say that i've been taking care of them behind-the-scene.

ensuring that their welfare and discipline is up there.

fighting so much for their welfare was never an easy task.

but i'm glad, my effort didnt go down the drain.

it's really time to leave i guess.

since there's nth much i can do already.

both the positive and negative aspects.

i can no longer do anything because i'm no longer needed in the unit.

after spending my past 5-6 years in npcc, i can't believe i'm finally leaving.

tears are forming.

i might regret in the future.

is this the final goodbye?

Labels: left right left

smile with me at 11:07:00 PM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Friday, March 25, 2011♥

i'm currently facing a difficult decision in life.

to either carry on with the passion i started out with or to choose something that is practical. :/

both paths aren't easy way out.

WHYYYYY

WHYYYYYYYYYY I SO STRESS LIAO STILL MUST DECIDE.

BRRRRRRR.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i don't write "chim-ly" like what most of my friends who blog.

i don't post full sentences, correct grammar, perfect english.

i hardly write about anything meaningful / thought-provoking.

but i guess,

this is me.

so quit mocking at me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i don't know if you'll read this or not

but i truly see you as my friend and i've never thought that one day this would happen.

i don't wanna lose a friend due to a cca that isn't everything in my life.

this is our 2nd major quarrel due to npcc.

i hope things will turn out fine soon.

gahhh :/

left right left.

pfft.

seriously, not that i'm oh-so-perfect.

cadets should seriously go and think of ways to improve their drills/campcraft instead of thinking of ways to make fun of me / CIs.

gahhh :/

stress.

THEIR promotion test next thursday.

here i am worrying for them.

but them?

sound asleep, thinking of ways to try to be funny tmr.

Labels: ):, left right left

smile with me at 2:40:00 AM

stressed - desserts

Wednesday, March 23, 2011♥

i'm way too stress lately.

wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy tooooooooooooooooooooooo stress.

i need to find some activities to relax soon before i *BOOM* then byebyeeee

guess it's time to withdraw from NP for awhile.

the period of doubting my commitment to NP is back.

starting to wonder why do i serve & why do i bother to serve.

it always happen when i'm overly stress.

promotion test coming, attendance falling, morale dropping.

how to not stress ):

okay, i'm not gonna touch NP stuff tmr.

it's gonna be a free & easy day tmr.

i need a break!

have been worrying about NP since before camp till now.

i need to do stuff out of NP too.

gahhh.

wondering if i'm a good CI.

i need to improve ALOT i guess.

*pat pat*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

remember one of my goal for this holidays is to repair and maintain friendships?

i haven't been doing anything yet & i don't see myself doing anything.

i don't know why, all i wanna do now is to hide and not talk to anyone.

*smack face*

I MUST ACCOMPLISH THIS GOAL BEFORE SCHOOL REOPEN!

rawwr.

okay, this is becoming a nonsensical post.

shall end it here now.

tata~

-too stress, too stress :/-

Labels: left right left

smile with me at 2:46:00 AM

campcamp

Thursday, March 17, 2011♥

okay, i'm going to camp in 1hr ++'s time?

i'm gonna do up a short post before i'm off for 3days.

i'm so nice (i know right) ^^

not really. it's just that i'm having this major assholey headache that won't go away and i can't sleep.

so since i'm left only with 45mins to sleep, might as well i try to squeeze out a post so that there's something for YOU (yes, you. the one reading this now) to read while i'm away for a camp.

this is my 7th NPCC camp (if i never count wrongly) and frankly?

having gone through SEVEN TIMES, i have no feeling for it already.

no excitement, no sian-ness, nothing.

just looking at it as a duty.

woah, it just rained.

totally random. but yeah.

but i guess, this camp is slightly more significant than other camps because this is gonna be the last camp with the squad i had the most feelings for.

i've seen them since sec 1 and through these years, a lot happened.

there were times when we were so close, so good.

there were times when we were like strangers.

nonetheless, it was a good 4 years with you guys.

i promised you guys that i would stay in this unit till the last person from your squad graduates, and i guess, i kept my promise. (y)

i wish you guys all the best, good luck, have fun ^^

it's time to move on. (:

it feels old to see your cadets graduating one by one.

it's like omg seeing them from sec 1 till now?

so much feelings, so much memories.

all the best (y)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FOUR more weeks till the end of my year 2 holidays :/

i spent TWO weeks of my holidays like *POOF*

time to do something useful with my remaining holidays.

okay. left with 5 mins till i have to "wake up"

still need to iron my uniform because i crumpled it just now

i'm keeping my fingers crossed that this camp will be a good one.

wish me luck (y)

Labels: left right left, random

smile with me at 5:38:00 AM

what's going on?

Wednesday, March 09, 2011♥

credits: http://kk.org/ct2/calvinhobbes_friends.jpg

friends. hmm. what can i say about it?

i'm not exactly the friend kind of friend.

as in, i don't see myself as the kind of friend that everyone wants/needs.

of course, i do try my best to be a friend that is there for my friend ALWAYS.

but friends around me do not stay. i don't know why.

there's just this very very close period then *poof* things "dilute"

i guess the problem lies with me, i can't keep friends. ): boohoo.

so this holiday, i'm gonna learn to interact with my friends more and spend more time to talk to them, understand them (:

it's not gonna be easy since i failed so many times ):

my aim is not only to keep friends, but try to repair broken relationships with people that i lost contact / had some conflicts with.

how old already? still quarrel like a kid mehhhhhhhhh. bleh.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

finally the end of all exams. i know i'm super late in blogging this.

just that recently no inspiration to blog so i didn't wanna do up a blog post just for the sake of doing it.

look at that crap "relationship" post.

i did it halfway and totally had no inspiration to continue so i just did a lousy work on it.

*guilty*

i guess i'll continue it soon la.

a bit stupid for me to leave it hanging there like that.

and omg, this sem's exam was the last time i'm gonna sit down in a room with my coursemates to do a paper for pcs ):

~~i'm gonna miss exams~~

okay. no more emo topic.

my TO DO list for this holiday :

1. earn / save money $$

2. gym gym gym

3. read 2 books ^^

4. (hopefully) get a part time job

5. lose weight :X (don't laugh, assholeys)

must make full use of my holidays and not sleep my way through.

come on, my friends please come ask me out okayzxzxzx. LOL.

not on fridays though. ):

NEXT WEEK IS UNIT CAMP~~

looking forward to it because it's gonna be my last camp with the squad i had the most feelings and passion for.

i'm gonna miss them hell loads. :/

but this is life - people come and go in your life.

as long as i've left an impact in their lives, it's good enough.

gahhh.

so sentimental. 5 years spent with them.

ogayyy. this blog post has been officially sucky cuz it's just a throw in of all my random thoughts.

no effort has been put in to do up this post.

goodbye. guess i'm gonna close down my blog soon :/

Labels: left right left, memories, reflection

smile with me at 12:20:00 PM

friday :/

Friday, August 27, 2010♥

i'm starting to dread fridays :/

and, u're one complicated fella.

Labels: left right left

smile with me at 5:00:00 AM

baby, is this love?

Thursday, August 26, 2010♥

I'm into the nail polish craze again. xDDD
thank goodness i've got a job.
*phewwww*
i wanted to buy some nail polishes online just now.
but after i calculated the total price (excluding postage charges), my eyes went O.O
cannot be so ambitious :X
okay, shall not whine on nail polishes.

i really dislike how she forces us to say things.
when we don't wanna share, means we are not comfortable with sharing
but she will just scold us, say we attitude and stuff :/
it's really very stressful.
that's perhaps why i dislike showing my emotions at home.

anyway, my "family members" only have themselves in mind.
guys --> ego HIGH --> don't take my feelings into account --> feel like leaving

i'm not emo-ing.

Labels: left right left

smile with me at 3:45:00 AM

Lifeeeee

Sunday, August 22, 2010♥

2 yrs ago, i started with high hopes, with high ambition.
ppl started telling me "the higher ur hopes, the higher the disappointment"
they said, "don't chiong too much, i know first year all high ambition one, but dun nid"
i was stubborn then, i didnt want to believe.
i worked hard in everything i do, though appearing slack at times.
but all i did, i did with my best effort.
however, no matter wad i do, they just dun seem to recognize.
saying things like "u buey zai", "this wrong that wrong", "u slacker"
using seniority to press on me.
the burden/pressure was too much for me to take.
i smile, i joke, but they just didnt realise how hurting it was for me to take such 'joke'
when i started out, i kept quiet, all i did was observe how everything was going.
yet the comments i received were "u're too quiet", "must have ur own thinking", "got thing must say, dun after that then complain to others"
then i changed, i started voicing out my own opinion.
i became defensive of my actions, i didnt allow anyone to accuse me of anything.
i was no longer the naive junior who accept wadever everyone say.
wad did i get in return?
"hot-tempered", "fierce", "stubborn"
people whom ought to be on my side, turned their back on me.
even the closest one, even the most trusted one.
back in my "home", away from the "war zone",
i face the same old senior-junior issue.
not only that, we all had double standards.
i'm so tired.
recently, i kept asking myself "is it worth it to do all these?"
is it really worth it to endure all these crap, these humiliation from everyone?
my results are dropping,
and it's all because of this.
as i'm typing this, the urge of just leaving everything is so strong.
"family members", sometimes, i just feel that ur ego(s) is(are) too high.
i'm really tired of hearing instructions from u guys, i'm tired of u guys standing on the other side, i'm tired of u guys thinking that u all are high above and i'm just on the ground,
in short, i'm tired of wad i've to go through since 2 years ago.

i apologize for making this so obvious,
but trust me,
i tried my best to change all the obvious terms as much as i could already.
but i'm just too tired to carry the burden/pressure of the senior-junior/more zai-buey zai/who more useful/who stay in this "family" longer already.
i'm crying soon.

Labels: left right left, true feelings

smile with me at 12:04:00 AM