MY STORY.

我好想抱著你訴苦卻顯得好無助

Thursday, March 31, 2011♥

我只想要
by: 七朵花

怎麼說忘就忘記 這甜蜜的過去 
被思念包著厚厚的糖衣 
不想再為了你傷心 這最冷的夏季 
慢慢地 慢慢結成冰 

承諾變悲哀 悲哀因我被愛 
悲哀是你因為你不在 
我好想抱著你訴苦 卻顯得好無助 
無助的讓人想痛哭 

我只想要 和你在一起 
朝著幸福走去 像戀人般的簡單甜蜜 
我只想要 和你不分離 
怎麼輕易放棄 說你忘記 

我想這一定是報應 都怪我太貪心 
才讓你頭也不回的離去 
黃色絲巾是想念 在樹上被風吹 
孤單的 孤單一個人無法沉睡 

愛情怎麼會讓每顆心都碎 
我不再相信你 卻又慢慢想起你

我只想要 和你在一起 
我只想要 和你不分離

Labels: ♥, lyrics

smile with me at 2:17:00 AM

take me away

Tuesday, March 29, 2011♥

i don't blog in a "turn-one-big-round" way.

and i don't intend to do so.

recently, someone told me to learn how to open up to ppl, to share my feelings without the fear of being judged.

and hey, it makes perfect sense.

i know i always have this problem of opening up to ppl and i thought perhaps that person (let's name it Stitch [no special meaning, i merely saw my Stitch waterbottle beside me] )

okay, i thought perhaps Stitch could be the first one i open up to.

and guess wad?

i-was-brushed-off.

OUCH.

yea, that definitely hurt.

but being me, all i could do was to hide my hurt and said it's okay.

the next day, Stitch didnt ask about what i wanted to say the day before (despite promising to do so).

instead, Stitch said that i was acting weird with all my short replies but that was simply because i don't know how to talk / react / reply to someone who brushed me off just as i was sharing.

it's like someone who's afraid to step out of the door and finally she took the courage and place one foot out then BAAM.

someone splash a bucket of cold water on her and tadaa~ she don't dare to step out of the house again.

what if someone does that again the next time she tries to step out of the house?

i guess not everyone has all the courage in the world to keep trying.

yes, i know Thomas Edison tried 1000? times before inventing a lightbulb.

but i don't really think i have the courage to be hurt 1000 times before opening up myself.

no, i'm not blaming Stitch. (yea, REALLY)

i'm just trying to reflect how asshole we humans can be sometimes?

i mean, let's not try to be nice in times when we can't be.

don't promise someone that you'll be listening to her when you don't have the time to do so.

sometimes, it's best to leave things as it is if you can't commit.

it's better to tell her u'll listen/help her another time because you don't have the time now than to brush her off.

trust me, it's more hurting to be brushed off.

this is gonna be a major lesson for me.

ikr.

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i love it when i ----- after an angsty / angry post.

suddenly, the ansty-ness within me will die down and i'll feel all happy and cheerful again.

that inner peace (y)

okay, despite having that ~~stupid~~ headache for the past few weeks, i went with my mummaye to meet the tour person ytd evening to make payment for our Batam trip.

that guy was sooooooooooooooo friendly.

and he was talking about his VILLAS in Bali.

just by listening, i was so EGGCITED!

NEXT TRIP : BALI! probably during my June holidays~~!!

The Highlights! :

1. Personal Chauffeur + Car + Petrol (Mark [the friendly guy] will top up for free everyday!)

2. Handphone (Return upon checkout)

3. Cows outside your villa (belong to Mark but it's for tourists to see!)

4. All sorts of Watersports.

5. Security 24/7

6. Maid

7. Pay USD 20 - 30 for a 45 mins Submarine experience! :D

8. There's this beach (don't know the name) where one part is black sand and the other part is white sand. Mark said that when the Sun shines on the black sand, they sparkle like diamonds! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

there are just so many things that he mentioned but i don't remember.

i'm gonna go this coming June~~~ *stay tuned*

okay, back to Batam.

this is my second time going to Batam

my first time to Batam was rather screwed.

I forgot if i'd blogged about it but yea.

everything was so rushed.

i hardly had any time to shop

most of my time there was staying in the resort which was rather boring.

the resort was.... *erhem* well..

only the rooms had air con, the living room didnt have and it was mad hot.

in order to have our meals, we have to spend 5 - 10 minutes going down the hill and after our meals, we have to climb back UP the hill.

the resort was super far from the shopping centres too.

about 30mins car ride?

we were all falling asleep in the VAN.

it wasn't even a comfy car.

the food was...

okay, i had to admit, the breakfast buffet was (y)

but our lunch was =.=

cuz we went with my mummaye's colleague's friends.

they practically ordered whatever they like without asking us. ):

BUT

despite all my negative experiences, i love Batam.

i love how time past slowly there and how i become uncontactable there.

LOL.

i love overseas trip because i can totally relax and not be a servant to technology.

i hate it when i touch my phone/laptop every now and then.

I truly enjoyed myself when i was in Cambodia.

i hardly touched my phone.

So was it in Batam.

Although this time round it's going to be a short 2d 1n trip, i have a feeling that i'm gonna totally enjoy it.

i'm gonna stay in a hotel! (y)

MAD LOVEE~~

it's gonna be my first time staying in a hotel. (DON'T LAUGH AT ME ): )

i'm gonna snap LOADS of photos and do a long long post on Batam :D

You guys should totally visit Batam at least once in your life.

although they don't really have SUPER cheap stuff like Bangkok, i love how the place is.

you can see everyone enjoying life, no one's rushing.

it's so calm and peaceful.

i don't see any kiasu / rude / loud behavior.

I'm gonna get Kueh Lapis and hopefully meet up with peiwen & dina to share with them :D

mad love their Kueh Lapis.

OH.

remember my hunt-for-sausage mission?

LOL.

i'm gonna go grab tons of it and come back to share with them too! :D

so nice of me. ikr :D

i was researching about the hotel - Golden View Hotel

there's steam & sauna! OMGGGG.

oh, the package that mummaye signed up for, there's traditional massage! (y)

the previous time i went to the _____ (not gonna mention the name of the resort), cannot have massage cuz nobody wants to ):

this time round, everyone's going for it! yayzxzx!

there's also a swimming pool & it looks clean! (the swimming pool at ____ was disgusting. the water was sea water and it looks dirty & cloudy)

there's also a fitness centre & billiard. but i don't think we'll be going to try them since we only have 2d 1n.

nonetheless, i'm satisfied with the itinerary!

i just realised that i've blogged a mad long post.

gonna stop here before i bore anyone out or make anyone's eyes drop out.

i don't think i'll be blogging all the way till i'm back from Batam.

shall do a post when i get back or perhaps i'll do a short post on friday.

STAY TUNED~! (y)

Labels: ):, ESCAPE, thoughts, tumblr, unhappy memories

smile with me at 2:34:00 AM

sucky or not?

Saturday, March 26, 2011♥

credits to whoever this work belongs to. you (y)

things are going downhill (yes, indeed)

tons of stuff to worry about in my mind.

failed ___________

flunked this sem

really CHILDISH ~~person~~ kiddo? (i'm sorry for using such a term) scolding me on facebook

you must be thinking, "life can't seem to get any better" right

BUT

i do have TONS of stuff to be happy actually.

1. i've cadets who really have the passion

2. i've found the reason why i've held on to NP for so long (y)

3. relationships are improving

4. I'M GOING BATAM NEXT WEEKEND double (y)

5. i'm starting to have a different perspective on stuff that used to mean something else to me.

6. i'm learning to open up to people who truly care

many many more :D

sometimes, i guess it's not how sucky something is.

but rather, how you look at something sucky (:

you can have the choice to either dwell in self-pity all day long or to spend the time to do something wise

there are a lot of people out there who are having a much more worse plight than us and despite their situation, they chose to fight for their life.

so who are we to whine & complain & cry all day all night over a small mistake/failure/problem/trouble.

so cut all your crap today & quit whining about your friend not replying you or whatever small thing it is.

instead of complaining that your friend isn't replying you,

might as well think WHY is your friend not replying you.

busy?

you suck?

phone spoil?

something happened?

i mean, hey.

you can't expect your friend to ALWAYS reply you right.

personally, i won't talk to/reply anyone if i'm feeling all shitty inside.

and i believe my close ones know that.

those who are not close to me are those to who are complaining on facebook now (y) *points at the guilty*

okay, shall stop being sarcastic.

but one thing for you to learn,

i don't clear misunderstandings.

i'm very stubborn & weird i guess?

nonetheless, i hope you'll stop it cuz i don't wanna see it? :/

neither do i wanna see you since u've said things to such extreme.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ate Astons today.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

felt as if i was eating beef sashimi ):

the meat was un-cooked.

seriously and to think i asked for medium.

my rice was soaked with blood.

almost puked out while eating. ):

i'm gonna have phobia of beef for quite some time i guess.

everyone has different opinion on which season is the best.

i have no special preference for any season since Singapore only has Summer all year round.

BUT

there's one season that i HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the most.

the

DURIAN

season =.=

durians are the SMELLIEST thing ever on Earth.

they are so smelly, i'd rather smell someone's perspiration-soaked shirt than durian.

how sensitive am i to durian?

i could smell it even if i'm in my room, door shut, aircon on, when my daddy eats it in the kitchen.

gahhhh. unbearable smell.

my entire family (paternal or maternal extended family too) eats durian.

EVERYONE EXCEPT ME ):

so whenever it's durian season, i'll see packets of durian in my kitchen.

and my family would be enjoying their durian feast while i'm hiding in my room under my blanket.

can you imagine my agony when they come in to the room and talk? *CRY*

i hate the person who first started eating durian.

rawwwr.

okay fine. shall stop whining about my hatred for durian.

amazed at how i could shift topic from beef --> season --> durian. LOL.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OH MY BATAM TRIP!

i'm going Batam next week (again) yupyup ^^

i call this the hunt-for-my-beloved-sausage mission :D

glad i'm able to end this post with a happy note ^^

WISH ME LUCK YO!

p.s my posts have no direction.

topics fly everywhere ):

time to do some changes. (y)

Labels: ESCAPE, thoughts

smile with me at 2:59:00 AM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Friday, March 25, 2011♥

i'm currently facing a difficult decision in life.

to either carry on with the passion i started out with or to choose something that is practical. :/

both paths aren't easy way out.

WHYYYYY

WHYYYYYYYYYY I SO STRESS LIAO STILL MUST DECIDE.

BRRRRRRR.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i don't write "chim-ly" like what most of my friends who blog.

i don't post full sentences, correct grammar, perfect english.

i hardly write about anything meaningful / thought-provoking.

but i guess,

this is me.

so quit mocking at me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i don't know if you'll read this or not

but i truly see you as my friend and i've never thought that one day this would happen.

i don't wanna lose a friend due to a cca that isn't everything in my life.

this is our 2nd major quarrel due to npcc.

i hope things will turn out fine soon.

gahhh :/

left right left.

pfft.

seriously, not that i'm oh-so-perfect.

cadets should seriously go and think of ways to improve their drills/campcraft instead of thinking of ways to make fun of me / CIs.

gahhh :/

stress.

THEIR promotion test next thursday.

here i am worrying for them.

but them?

sound asleep, thinking of ways to try to be funny tmr.

Labels: ):, left right left

smile with me at 2:40:00 AM

stressed - desserts

Wednesday, March 23, 2011♥

i'm way too stress lately.

wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy tooooooooooooooooooooooo stress.

i need to find some activities to relax soon before i *BOOM* then byebyeeee

guess it's time to withdraw from NP for awhile.

the period of doubting my commitment to NP is back.

starting to wonder why do i serve & why do i bother to serve.

it always happen when i'm overly stress.

promotion test coming, attendance falling, morale dropping.

how to not stress ):

okay, i'm not gonna touch NP stuff tmr.

it's gonna be a free & easy day tmr.

i need a break!

have been worrying about NP since before camp till now.

i need to do stuff out of NP too.

gahhh.

wondering if i'm a good CI.

i need to improve ALOT i guess.

*pat pat*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

remember one of my goal for this holidays is to repair and maintain friendships?

i haven't been doing anything yet & i don't see myself doing anything.

i don't know why, all i wanna do now is to hide and not talk to anyone.

*smack face*

I MUST ACCOMPLISH THIS GOAL BEFORE SCHOOL REOPEN!

rawwr.

okay, this is becoming a nonsensical post.

shall end it here now.

tata~

-too stress, too stress :/-

Labels: left right left

smile with me at 2:46:00 AM

黑社会

ayeeee. so-called "fried spinach with butter sauce"

BUT

no butter taste leh ):

overall, not bad la (:

this one? hmmm.

so-so only ): didn't really eat much.

CODFISH. i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee codfish (y)

PEKING DUCK!

NOM NOM NOM!

NICEEEEEE.

the rest of the meat was used to cook with e-fu noodles (y) (which was super oily ): )

THE SOUP IS AWESOME-LICIOUS! (y)

it's only super simple ingredients like veg, mushroom & bamboo shoots!

NICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

my sister's drink! --> (Kiss me not)

the waiter served the drink and he was saying "Kiss me not"

me: "yea, definitely not"

LOL. good for you if you understand the joke, if not, oh well... *awkward silence*

the drink got LIGHT STICK! (can bring home one!)

my drink! --> Tropical Larissa (Oolong Tea + fruits)

okay, i know the order of the photos a bit wrong, but oh well. i'm lazy to shift the photos :/

anyway, yea.

ANOTHER POST ON GOOD FOOD ^^

ate these at 黑社会 (Bosses' Restaurant)

food was good enough.

quite a high-end restaurant.

so expect the food to be of a certain standard i guess.

BUT

the dessert was not that awesome as i thought it would be.

i guess, life's fair? LOL

nobody can be perfect :P

so the food is good --> dessert not good.

Total bill for all these dishes was $200+

EXPENSIVE RIGHT.

oh well :/ luckily the food standard was not bad.

if not..............

it's located at Vivocity level 2 (near Sasa, build-a-bear, the walkway towards harbourfront)

go try it if you have the spare money. LOL

Labels: FOOD

smile with me at 2:24:00 AM

F-O-O-D

Sunday, March 20, 2011♥

got good lobang for everyone!

okay, not really super good but IMO, it's affordable, has good service & nice place!

i love love love love love love love steamboat so i'm always searching for steamboat places that are cheap, good & got air con :X

I usually go to Tian Tian Huo Guo but not quite pleased with their service & the place quite hot ):.

I used to think that Bugis' best steamboat place is TTHG

but on sunday, i went to this place called 火锅之家 just a few shops before TTHG.

I thought it our usual hot, stuffy and expensive steamboat BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

LOOK AT THE CRAB & "HUM" OMGGGG (fyi, i don't eat "hum" so it's not mine :X )

the soup was good (y)

not the salty kind of soup. so no worries your hair will drop like mad (no MSG too!)

look at the meat behind *drools*

GOT ICE CREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM *YUM YUM*

and is they serve you the ice cream one (y)

SUPER GOOD DINNER.

okay, for variety of food, not alot.

and those good food like meat, quail egg, seafood, etc, you must ask them to serve you.

so it's better that you ask what they have that is not on the trays of food. ^^

oh, and they have crayfish, mantou & some other stuff that are complimentary dishes.

Variety : 6/10

Value for money : 8/10

Service : 10/10 (definitely!)

I MUST MENTION THE SERVICE!

it's SUPER SUPER SUPER DUPER GOOD.

they are super attentive, efficient & friendly!

you keep requesting for stuff also they won't give you the "black face" that some people will give.

they are super patient and would always be ready to answer your queries.

Place : 9/10 (air con strong enough & they have the "thingy" to suck up the grease and smoke)

weekend : $18.80 per adult + $2 if you want the bbq thing

so approximately $20.80 per pax.

sister, jy & i went and the total bill was $63

BUT THE BOSS CHARGED US $60 ONLY!

meaning $20 per pax and we ate for 3 hours. LOL.

i didn't take much photo of the food but i assure you, the standard of the food is not bad (:

so the next time you're near bugis and have the craving for steamboat, go try this one! :D

Labels: FOOD

smile with me at 11:59:00 PM

campcamp

Thursday, March 17, 2011♥

okay, i'm going to camp in 1hr ++'s time?

i'm gonna do up a short post before i'm off for 3days.

i'm so nice (i know right) ^^

not really. it's just that i'm having this major assholey headache that won't go away and i can't sleep.

so since i'm left only with 45mins to sleep, might as well i try to squeeze out a post so that there's something for YOU (yes, you. the one reading this now) to read while i'm away for a camp.

this is my 7th NPCC camp (if i never count wrongly) and frankly?

having gone through SEVEN TIMES, i have no feeling for it already.

no excitement, no sian-ness, nothing.

just looking at it as a duty.

woah, it just rained.

totally random. but yeah.

but i guess, this camp is slightly more significant than other camps because this is gonna be the last camp with the squad i had the most feelings for.

i've seen them since sec 1 and through these years, a lot happened.

there were times when we were so close, so good.

there were times when we were like strangers.

nonetheless, it was a good 4 years with you guys.

i promised you guys that i would stay in this unit till the last person from your squad graduates, and i guess, i kept my promise. (y)

i wish you guys all the best, good luck, have fun ^^

it's time to move on. (:

it feels old to see your cadets graduating one by one.

it's like omg seeing them from sec 1 till now?

so much feelings, so much memories.

all the best (y)

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FOUR more weeks till the end of my year 2 holidays :/

i spent TWO weeks of my holidays like *POOF*

time to do something useful with my remaining holidays.

okay. left with 5 mins till i have to "wake up"

still need to iron my uniform because i crumpled it just now

i'm keeping my fingers crossed that this camp will be a good one.

wish me luck (y)

Labels: left right left, random

smile with me at 5:38:00 AM

non-judgmental lens

Monday, March 14, 2011♥

i guess, almost all have heard about the tsunami in Japan.

i just hope that everything will be fine soon.

may all the wishes and hope for a better tomorrow be as magnificent and great like the kites in the sky. they may be far but they are definitely within our grip. we are in full control of our future and our 'better tomorrow'.

i'm 100% positive that everything will be fine soon and a better tomorrow will come.

it won't rain forever.

a thunderstorm will end,

a sun will shine on our faces again

and a rainbow of hope will appear to remind us to never give up.

i know that God has a plan for all of us and He will definitely be looking after the victims of the tsunami. (:

believe in the God you believe in and hold on to the faith.

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it's 4.51am, i have to go down to unit tomorrow and i'm not sleeping yet.

crazy i know.

this is the 2nd week of my end-of-year2 holidays and i feel that i haven't been making good use of it.

during my past 2 holidays, i've been working throughout my holidays with hardly anytime to enjoy nor rest.

though it was tiring, it was fulfilling and fun.

this time round, nothing.

it's just going out with my sister, gaming, mj-ing, watching dramas & NPCC.

it's getting so mundane that i'm getting sick of it.

it's time to find something to do.

to learn a skill or to do something that i've always wanted to do.

but first of all, i must understand what i want to do.

which leads me to wonder,

do anyone dare to say that he/she understands me?

i see myself as someone who isn't exactly an open book but would always try to act like one.

i have tons of eccentric thoughts and my mood change faster than you could ever imagine.

i can argue with you about something that may seem ridiculous to everyone (even to myself) but i would fight my way through.

i wouldn't apologise to people who are angry at me. instead, i'll do more stuff to provoke them.

i see myself as a burden to people who care for me because of my behavior and personality and hurt them.

this is how weird i am yet there are still people who bother and care about me.

these are the people that God has placed in my life to let me know that i'm not alone.

because of all these people, i'm thankful to every single thing in my life.

yes, even stupid haters who just love to bitch about every single thing that i do.

(oh, don't get me started on this. pfft.)

in my life, i've never had the courage to call anyone my bestfriend in fear that the feelings wouldn't be reciprocated.

and at this very moment, i still can't say that i have a best friend.

seeing that others have best friends to share even their smallest secret, frankly?

i'm super duper envious. (not jealous, assholeys)

i've longed for someone to share the secrets that can go nowhere except my heart.

i've always wanted someone who will never judge me no matter what i do or say.

i believe, one day, someone whom i can truly call 'my bestfriend' will appear.

let me guess, i think we'll be super alike? LOL.

both retardedly eccentric.

okay, just joking.

enough of a heavy post.

let's talk about what i've done so far

1. Celebrated my sister's 21st birthday. (planned, decorated, put in tons of effort & money too)

2. Went to zoo (AWESOME) waiting for 2012 when the river safari opens and the panda, polar bears will all be there.

3. Learn how to play 'Blackshot' (okay, nothing to be proud of but still, something new right! ^^)

4. Went kite-flying at marina barrage! first time fly kite, first time to marina barrage! (except during the time when i ran past marina barrage during my 42km)

5. Tried using an instax camera! :D (the films burned a hole in my pocket)

6. Started saving up for my new phone (not gonna tell you all what phone. later all go buy then not special liao. LOL)

okay, i guess these are some of the things that i remember.

all done during these 2 weeks.

come to think of it, looking at all this, my holidays isn't really mundane. LOL.

but i'm gonna find better activities to do!

meanwhile, let's #pray for Japan & all countries that are affected by the Tsunami.

let's pray for a better tomorrow!

appreciate life,

live & let live,

love and be loved.

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sidenote,

i guess, being judgmental like an addiction/habit.

hard to kick off.

because if being judgmental can be cured, the word "ugly" wouldn't have exist.

only when you judge, you see someone as ugly.

then again, who are we to say that someone is ugly?

who sets the definition of "pretty" or "ugly".

what exactly is the definition of "ugly"?

there's no answer to this.

beauty lies in the eyes of its beholders.

so stop judging, today.

see the world through a non-judgmental lens, and the world would be a better place (:

Labels: GMH, reflection, thoughts, true feelings

smile with me at 4:06:00 AM

what's going on?

Wednesday, March 09, 2011♥

credits: http://kk.org/ct2/calvinhobbes_friends.jpg

friends. hmm. what can i say about it?

i'm not exactly the friend kind of friend.

as in, i don't see myself as the kind of friend that everyone wants/needs.

of course, i do try my best to be a friend that is there for my friend ALWAYS.

but friends around me do not stay. i don't know why.

there's just this very very close period then *poof* things "dilute"

i guess the problem lies with me, i can't keep friends. ): boohoo.

so this holiday, i'm gonna learn to interact with my friends more and spend more time to talk to them, understand them (:

it's not gonna be easy since i failed so many times ):

my aim is not only to keep friends, but try to repair broken relationships with people that i lost contact / had some conflicts with.

how old already? still quarrel like a kid mehhhhhhhhh. bleh.

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finally the end of all exams. i know i'm super late in blogging this.

just that recently no inspiration to blog so i didn't wanna do up a blog post just for the sake of doing it.

look at that crap "relationship" post.

i did it halfway and totally had no inspiration to continue so i just did a lousy work on it.

*guilty*

i guess i'll continue it soon la.

a bit stupid for me to leave it hanging there like that.

and omg, this sem's exam was the last time i'm gonna sit down in a room with my coursemates to do a paper for pcs ):

~~i'm gonna miss exams~~

okay. no more emo topic.

my TO DO list for this holiday :

1. earn / save money $$

2. gym gym gym

3. read 2 books ^^

4. (hopefully) get a part time job

5. lose weight :X (don't laugh, assholeys)

must make full use of my holidays and not sleep my way through.

come on, my friends please come ask me out okayzxzxzx. LOL.

not on fridays though. ):

NEXT WEEK IS UNIT CAMP~~

looking forward to it because it's gonna be my last camp with the squad i had the most feelings and passion for.

i'm gonna miss them hell loads. :/

but this is life - people come and go in your life.

as long as i've left an impact in their lives, it's good enough.

gahhh.

so sentimental. 5 years spent with them.

ogayyy. this blog post has been officially sucky cuz it's just a throw in of all my random thoughts.

no effort has been put in to do up this post.

goodbye. guess i'm gonna close down my blog soon :/

Labels: left right left, memories, reflection

smile with me at 12:20:00 PM