MY STORY.

it ends tonight.

Thursday, June 02, 2011♥

tonight, everything shall start and end tonight.

i'd enough of sad emotions, enough of emo posts.

the hurt should end tonight.

all memories shall be sealed up.

all the best, t.

Labels: f for friends, goodbyes, unhappy memories

smile with me at 10:48:00 PM

24/7

Monday, May 02, 2011♥

and this is exactly how i'm feeling now,

24/7.

Labels: strangers again, tumblr, unhappy memories

smile with me at 5:07:00 AM

and you weren't there during my saddest moment.

Sunday, May 01, 2011♥

i hate how things are falling apart in my life.

even my heart is falling apart.

Labels: unhappy memories

smile with me at 3:27:00 AM

take me away

Tuesday, March 29, 2011♥

i don't blog in a "turn-one-big-round" way.

and i don't intend to do so.

recently, someone told me to learn how to open up to ppl, to share my feelings without the fear of being judged.

and hey, it makes perfect sense.

i know i always have this problem of opening up to ppl and i thought perhaps that person (let's name it Stitch [no special meaning, i merely saw my Stitch waterbottle beside me] )

okay, i thought perhaps Stitch could be the first one i open up to.

and guess wad?

i-was-brushed-off.

OUCH.

yea, that definitely hurt.

but being me, all i could do was to hide my hurt and said it's okay.

the next day, Stitch didnt ask about what i wanted to say the day before (despite promising to do so).

instead, Stitch said that i was acting weird with all my short replies but that was simply because i don't know how to talk / react / reply to someone who brushed me off just as i was sharing.

it's like someone who's afraid to step out of the door and finally she took the courage and place one foot out then BAAM.

someone splash a bucket of cold water on her and tadaa~ she don't dare to step out of the house again.

what if someone does that again the next time she tries to step out of the house?

i guess not everyone has all the courage in the world to keep trying.

yes, i know Thomas Edison tried 1000? times before inventing a lightbulb.

but i don't really think i have the courage to be hurt 1000 times before opening up myself.

no, i'm not blaming Stitch. (yea, REALLY)

i'm just trying to reflect how asshole we humans can be sometimes?

i mean, let's not try to be nice in times when we can't be.

don't promise someone that you'll be listening to her when you don't have the time to do so.

sometimes, it's best to leave things as it is if you can't commit.

it's better to tell her u'll listen/help her another time because you don't have the time now than to brush her off.

trust me, it's more hurting to be brushed off.

this is gonna be a major lesson for me.

ikr.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i love it when i ----- after an angsty / angry post.

suddenly, the ansty-ness within me will die down and i'll feel all happy and cheerful again.

that inner peace (y)

okay, despite having that ~~stupid~~ headache for the past few weeks, i went with my mummaye to meet the tour person ytd evening to make payment for our Batam trip.

that guy was sooooooooooooooo friendly.

and he was talking about his VILLAS in Bali.

just by listening, i was so EGGCITED!

NEXT TRIP : BALI! probably during my June holidays~~!!

The Highlights! :

1. Personal Chauffeur + Car + Petrol (Mark [the friendly guy] will top up for free everyday!)

2. Handphone (Return upon checkout)

3. Cows outside your villa (belong to Mark but it's for tourists to see!)

4. All sorts of Watersports.

5. Security 24/7

6. Maid

7. Pay USD 20 - 30 for a 45 mins Submarine experience! :D

8. There's this beach (don't know the name) where one part is black sand and the other part is white sand. Mark said that when the Sun shines on the black sand, they sparkle like diamonds! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

there are just so many things that he mentioned but i don't remember.

i'm gonna go this coming June~~~ *stay tuned*

okay, back to Batam.

this is my second time going to Batam

my first time to Batam was rather screwed.

I forgot if i'd blogged about it but yea.

everything was so rushed.

i hardly had any time to shop

most of my time there was staying in the resort which was rather boring.

the resort was.... *erhem* well..

only the rooms had air con, the living room didnt have and it was mad hot.

in order to have our meals, we have to spend 5 - 10 minutes going down the hill and after our meals, we have to climb back UP the hill.

the resort was super far from the shopping centres too.

about 30mins car ride?

we were all falling asleep in the VAN.

it wasn't even a comfy car.

the food was...

okay, i had to admit, the breakfast buffet was (y)

but our lunch was =.=

cuz we went with my mummaye's colleague's friends.

they practically ordered whatever they like without asking us. ):

BUT

despite all my negative experiences, i love Batam.

i love how time past slowly there and how i become uncontactable there.

LOL.

i love overseas trip because i can totally relax and not be a servant to technology.

i hate it when i touch my phone/laptop every now and then.

I truly enjoyed myself when i was in Cambodia.

i hardly touched my phone.

So was it in Batam.

Although this time round it's going to be a short 2d 1n trip, i have a feeling that i'm gonna totally enjoy it.

i'm gonna stay in a hotel! (y)

MAD LOVEE~~

it's gonna be my first time staying in a hotel. (DON'T LAUGH AT ME ): )

i'm gonna snap LOADS of photos and do a long long post on Batam :D

You guys should totally visit Batam at least once in your life.

although they don't really have SUPER cheap stuff like Bangkok, i love how the place is.

you can see everyone enjoying life, no one's rushing.

it's so calm and peaceful.

i don't see any kiasu / rude / loud behavior.

I'm gonna get Kueh Lapis and hopefully meet up with peiwen & dina to share with them :D

mad love their Kueh Lapis.

OH.

remember my hunt-for-sausage mission?

LOL.

i'm gonna go grab tons of it and come back to share with them too! :D

so nice of me. ikr :D

i was researching about the hotel - Golden View Hotel

there's steam & sauna! OMGGGG.

oh, the package that mummaye signed up for, there's traditional massage! (y)

the previous time i went to the _____ (not gonna mention the name of the resort), cannot have massage cuz nobody wants to ):

this time round, everyone's going for it! yayzxzx!

there's also a swimming pool & it looks clean! (the swimming pool at ____ was disgusting. the water was sea water and it looks dirty & cloudy)

there's also a fitness centre & billiard. but i don't think we'll be going to try them since we only have 2d 1n.

nonetheless, i'm satisfied with the itinerary!

i just realised that i've blogged a mad long post.

gonna stop here before i bore anyone out or make anyone's eyes drop out.

i don't think i'll be blogging all the way till i'm back from Batam.

shall do a post when i get back or perhaps i'll do a short post on friday.

STAY TUNED~! (y)

Labels: ):, ESCAPE, thoughts, tumblr, unhappy memories

smile with me at 2:34:00 AM

Friday, January 28, 2011♥

today was depressing.
i used to think that i'll only receive such treatment when i do something wrong.
but today, i saw what happened.
upon seeing me at the main road waiting for cab, u turned behind and hid behind the pillar.
i saw it.
you didnt even bother to come forth to talk to me or even to stand near me.

~~why give birth to me if you don't want to see me.~~

i can't continue this post anymore.

sorry.

Labels: family, unhappy memories

smile with me at 1:23:00 AM

a picture speaks a thousand words

Sunday, January 16, 2011♥

they all say, a picture speaks a thousand words.

so i have a few thousand words here? :/

i wonder what goes through your head when you see me :/

credits: tumblr.com

----------------------------------------------------------------

i'm sorry that i'm not replying you.

i'm sorry that i was being mean.

i'm sorry that things are like that now.

i'm sorry that i ruined yet another friendship.

perhaps i just can't maintain a friendship without ruining anything.

hope you'll have better friends.

thanks for being such an awesome and nice friend, late night msn buddy.

thanks for caring when no one cares.

don't turn back to this friendship, nothing's worth your effort.

hurt is caused, damage is done, sorry or not doesn't matter anymore.

*hug* take care.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

trying to stay positive despite all that's happening recently.

i'm strong enough to survive.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

14/1/11

my hamster died :/

RIP. whenever i walk to the kitchen, heart will sink to the bottom when i don't see the cage there:/ i miss you. i'm sorry.

on a lighter note,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARREN! :D

STAY AWESOME :D

okay, this post is quite late but i wished you many many times that day okay~ :D

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 11:40:00 PM

you

utterly hurt by those simple words from you.

Labels: unhappy memories

smile with me at 12:56:00 PM

TYVM

Wednesday, January 12, 2011♥

i guess, sometimes staying back really helps?

had dinner with pw today and was taking my own sweet time walking to the bus stop. even going to the toilet near cheers. that was when i received an sms from a friend telling me he's staying back in school to wait for another friend. stayed back with him and started having a HTHT (i suppose?). it was great, it was exactly something i need now. long chats to distract me from all that i'm going through now.though we weren't really talking about proper topics and the first 1/2 of our convo was basically about random stuff and disturbings, it really helped alot. everything was going nice and well, was laughing, giggling, retard-ing, nonsense-ing till *poke* we reached the sensitive topic. :/ and i can't believe i broke down infront of you. first time crying so badly in school and to make it worse, infront of you =.= nonetheless, thank you so much for the 2 hours chat (: retarded you may be, but you're still the awesome you i know (:

i'm feeling really shitty inside but nonetheless, life still goes on. stay strong, qy.

just so you know, you just stabbed me damn hard on my heart. and i'm not thankful to you for that. i guess it's your way of expressing that you're just not that into me. wadever reason it may be. damaged/hurt done.

i really need a break.

Labels: GMH, thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 12:49:00 AM

One day far from now, I want to just smile comfortably

Monday, January 10, 2011♥

today was ultimate shitty. :/

shan't elaborate further here since this isn't exactly the right place to say such things.

but would really like to take this opportunity to thank some of the awesomest people in my life that were there for me.

my sister, dina, pw, tp, dnp, jy.

you guys were awesome.

thanks so much for the care and love and for my sister, time spent the whole day with me out when she could go home and rest. =D

i love you guys ttm ttm ttm ttm ttm.

i can tell everyone that i have awesome friends =D be jealous people~ HAHA. okay, no. be nice. u guys can have your awesome friends too =DDD

okay anyway, i was out whole day and i went to NEX =D awesome place i swear. super biggggggggggggggggg~~~~~ then went to vivo to watch [Meet the Parents : Little Fockers ] to cheer up and IT WAS SUPER DUPER HILARIOUS. WAS LAUGHING SO BADLY.

so glad we chose to watch a movie. totally relaxed and cheered up after the movie =D

ohoh, and i did retail therapy. HAHAHAHAHA.

bought 3 tops today. *guilty*

BUT i NOT shopaholic okay~~

i hardly buy clothes. it's all in the name of CNY. HAHAHAHAH.

totally in love with F21 now =DDDDDD

i've been watching ALOT of movies recently. i think GV should give me some platinum membership for being such a loyal movie-ian. LOL. nonsense. crap. i've been blogging nonsense nowadays but i'm a no sense person anyway right. :X

SCHOOL TMR~

I'M HAPPY CUZ I'M FINALLY GOING BACK TO A SCHOOL LIFE BUT I'M NOT HAPPY CUZ IT MEANS I'M GONNA BE DROWNED WITH SCHOOLWORK AGAIN. ):

well~~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHI-ER-LING!

19 LOHHH~~

LAO REN LAO REN~

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

----------------------------------------------------------------------

you.

i miss having you to talk to :/

i miss our never-ending conversations.

and today while walking around, i kept seeing things related to you.

till one point, i really thought i was crazy and hallucinating. :X ahh well.

i bet pw is gonna slap me again for thinking of you.

*world peace*

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 1:04:00 AM

keep your head down

Friday, January 07, 2011♥

i did something kinda daring today?

i told someone that i merely know for a day who i like.

LOL.

but the thing is, i find more comfortable telling someone that i don't know well than someone i'm close with because there is no burden or worry that he/she will tell that person or tell anyone. not like he/she is so free to spread something about an acquaintance right :X

i'm glad i took the step forward in trusting again (:

shall continue to work towards my goal~ =D

------------------------------------------------------------------

the more i get close, the more i'm afraid of losing it.

i'm not exactly happy now :/

i'm giving up. call me a loser or whatever, i'm really giving up.

i can't believe that i'm crying for you. :/

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 12:29:00 AM

feeling crappy :/

Wednesday, December 29, 2010♥

gonna find a job :/
i really don't wanna hear any more quarrels because of me already :/
):

be strong, qy.
you can do it (:

Labels: unhappy memories

smile with me at 10:27:00 PM

you're a colorful frog

Tuesday, December 28, 2010♥

i thought you were different.
i thought you had your own mind.
but i guess i was wrong all along.
you were just like the rest.
utterly disappointed.

i was taken for granted, again.
just like a "disposable" use-once-throw-away toy.
whole night's mood is so dampened :/
i just need someone to be there. to tell me i'm not a use-once-throw-away toy :/

smile, qy, smile.

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories

smile with me at 3:29:00 AM

in no good mood

Sunday, November 28, 2010♥

i can't sleep at all.
crying so freaking badly.
i don't know why am i always landing myself into such situations. sometimes i'm just really pissed at myself for all these.
i guess i should really stfu and hide in a cave or something.

i guess apologies doesnt work everytime.

Labels: unhappy memories

smile with me at 3:38:00 AM

expectations?

Sunday, November 21, 2010♥

it happened AGAIN.
it's like this vicious cycle that i'm stuck in.
it's the same like what happened months ago.
"i'm sorry i can't live up to your expectations"
this sentence hit me badly.
memories of what happened months ago came back immediately.
and i know that i have to go through all these again.

i never once have different expectations of my friends.
all i have is to hope that none of my friends hurt me.
is that really hard to "live up to"?
perhaps. i don't know.
yea, the problem lies with me. i know that okay. the first time it struck me, i can be in self-denial. i can insist that i MIGHT not be at fault. but now, second time. how am i suppose to "feel" that the problem does not lie with me.
yea, i am not a good friend.
i'm sorry if i'm your friend, all of you.
i'm truly sorry.
i need some time alone.

Labels: unhappy memories

smile with me at 10:38:00 PM

Friday, November 05, 2010♥

i really needa cushioned-room.
i wanna kick, scream and whineeeeee all night long.

I&E havent been very smooth-going as expected.
our offer to organise an event at a children's Home has been declined so many times tht i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooo disheartened now.
i'm keeping my fingers crossed about the sponsors.
group members aren't having a common consensus on the dates even though on thursday the 3 of us out of our 4 ppl group agreed on the date, one guy changed his mind last min =.=
i mean, i'm not blaming any of them or me or whoever. but last min changing ur mind isnt really that awesomee to praise about.
i can't imagine if i've already booked the "slots" for setting up the booth on 18 & 19. it's not freee~
and it's so hard to get them to reply :/

okay, stop the whining.

have been reading stomp and seeing people's comments.
and i've got this exploding thought of mine that seriously, if it's none of ur business, shuddap.
about the DTE's case, people has been saying really ugly things.
it's so disturbing to see that we do have ugly humans living here.
i mean, is it only online that you dare to post your comments anonymously, people won't know your true identity.
would you dare to go to the speaker's corner to say OUT LOUD about all your disgusting and ugly thoughts?
grow some balls people, stop harrassing innocent people.
if your family member is on stomp, would you want anonymous strangers to comment about his/her family members which so happens to be you?

ohh wellzxzxzxzx.
talking about changing mindset :/

recently, i was talking to my mummaye about how dangerous SG is nowadays :(
it's like i don't really dare to roam around on the streets alone at night anymore.
):

all these while you were merely wearing a mask.
u're so disgustingly gross that i would really wanna kick you into the sea.

friendship politics sucks.
i wanna go back to the time where 1 + 1 = 2.
i hate the present where 2 = 1 + (1x1) - 1 ):

dina is at batam!
COME BACK SOON!!!!!!

~~i'm strong.~~
no, i'm not.

Labels: unhappy memories

smile with me at 8:28:00 PM