MY STORY.

Friday, January 28, 2011♥

today was depressing.
i used to think that i'll only receive such treatment when i do something wrong.
but today, i saw what happened.
upon seeing me at the main road waiting for cab, u turned behind and hid behind the pillar.
i saw it.
you didnt even bother to come forth to talk to me or even to stand near me.

~~why give birth to me if you don't want to see me.~~

i can't continue this post anymore.

sorry.

Labels: family, unhappy memories

smile with me at 1:23:00 AM

What's Your Talent! :D

Tuesday, January 25, 2011♥

credits: xconomy.com

HELLO!

AWESOME PEOPLE!

Here's an awesome deal for you guys! :D

Just go to the link below, play the facebook game and stand a chance to win a Xbox 360 & Kinect!

It's a game that test you in different areas and you get to know what is your talent :D

click here!

i played the game and mwahaha. feel so smart

go play if you think you're smart or want to feel smarter. LOL

can also see what's your talent

because after the game, they will tell you what's your talent. :D

I hardly play facebook games but this is quite fun aye :D

go try go try!

can play as many times as you like.

try to get the highest score so as to win the Xbox 360 & Kinect!

Hope you'll be the winner! :D

Labels: advert

smile with me at 2:48:00 PM

sorry! :D

Monday, January 24, 2011♥

Haven't been blogging for days. zomg.

What was i thinking / doing.

HAHAHAHA. THIS PHOTO JUST PURE RANDOM KAY. SUPER CUTE RIGHT. AWWWHH~

so forgive me for not updating :D

so here comes my update :D

PEIWEN'S / TIMOTHY'S / THEIR GROUP'S I&E

urm. pre ___________ vita concert? LMAO. i don't remember! HAHAHAHAHA. i'm so sorry :X i remember what it means in English okay! "Every life is precious, like a jewel" :D

throughout the whole concert, i only took one photo. feel so loserish. but oh well. LOL.

and WHY? CUZ HE'S SUPER AWESOME LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

He performed 2 songs without a single sheet of score. *faints* and it was as if he was in his own world when he was playing. we were just people peeping through a window to catch a glimpse of his life. Singapore got a lot of talented people aye! ):

Went NEX consecutively for 3 weeks =.=

Not a bad place for shopping :D but i'm sick of going NEX already. LOL. shall not go for the next 2 months?

oh oh. tried the bubble tea there (look at the photo)

it cost me $2.10 and it's so freaking small. i know the photo made it seem as though it's quite big.

but imagine, it's 1/2 the size of a bubble tea straw. LOL. PATHETIC TTM. ): felt so cheated when i saw my cup. my sister and my mummaye even LAUGHED-OUT-LOUD after seeing my cup ):

definitely 3/5 only (for my cup)

but 4/5 for my sister's almond milk tea! GAHHH. SUPER NICEEE~ :D

so contradicting. oh well.

done all my shopping for CNY already :D

super proud of my clothes this year! mwahahhaha.

shall take photos of all my clothes/accessories/heels when ALL have arrived. *wink wink*

can't wait for CNY to have a break from all assignments :D

birthday's coming too :D

happy happy. love it when my birthday is during cny season. :D

assignments are piling up ):

1. brain & behavior essay - 2/2/11

2. counseling individual assignment - 11/2/11

3. grpmgt group project - 17/2/11

4. legalf test - (guess) 18/2/11

haven't count exams yet. ughh.

JIAYOU EVERYONE!

and, i've been missing wuguii recently ):

wuguii is the hamster on my laptop's dp ):

oh well. rest in peace wherever you are kay.

mummaye love you (:

sleepy now. sorry for this crappy post. just wanted to update something and push that angsty post below. shall do a nice one soon (with all my cny clothes) :D

Labels: happy days

smile with me at 10:01:00 PM

you are what you perceive yourself to be (:

Thursday, January 20, 2011♥

too tired to blog a long, proper post.

shall jot down this little thought of mine so that i can expand it later tmr or remind myself to blog about something tomorrow.

recently i've been reading magazines and blogs.

and i realise that most teenagers are taking their life wayyyy too lightly.

they say they want to die/want to jump off the building/commit suicide at the slightest thing like friendship problem or even breaking up with their girlf/boyf.

i find it really stupid. sorry, but yes, i used the word 'stupid'.

everyday, people are fighting against natural disasters/man-made disasters/diseases/cancers just so that they can live just one more day.

but there are people who'd rather die?

and cutting wrist =.= do you really think that by cutting your wrist will solve anything?

i'm just very pissed off by people who take their lives lightly.

i had relatives dying of cancer and all they wished was to live just another day or as long as they could. but they just had to be brought away by cancer.

they are the ones who treasure their lives more than anything but this just had to happen to them :/

time to wake up, stupid, naive teenagers.

step out of your comfort zone and quit living under the care and protection of your parents.

stop being the fragile teenager that can't even handle a small setback.

stop seeing death as an alternative to your problems.

IT IS NOT.

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i guess it's just me.

i'm not someone who would encourage people to gain pity from others to make themselves feel better. so if you ever need someone to pity you or encourage you to gain pity, don't come to me. i'll tell you to find a solution and move on. if you have a problem, you face it. if the problem isn't worth your effort, then throw it to the back of your head or better still, OUT of your head.

it's time to realise, if you hadn't, that life is full of setbacks.

there's only 2 options for you.

1. whine and rant and complain whole day why life is so unfair to you, be emo forever

2. find a solution to it, solve the problem and carry on with your life.

nothing's worth you staying stagnant in your life.

you have to move on.

who isn't burdened by problems? everyone is.

it's just how one would react to it that makes the difference.

sometimes, changing the way how you see something helps too. it's just how you perceive a situation that affects your mood sometimes.

yup, so everyone who's emo/depressed/sad now, try alternatives.

think positively. don't constantly live in your current state. step out of your comfort zone.

no, i'm not assuming that everyone is strong. but i believe everyone is strong enough to overcome their problems (: you can always turn to your friends for support. remember, you're not alone in this world.

it's not something easy, but if you don't take the first step, you'll forever be in that cycle.

goodluck, peeps (:

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okay, i know this was suppose to be a short post. but i had to type everything that came to my mind because i know i'll definitely forget everything tmr. xD

and, yea.

the amount of things i'm willing to share with you, is directly proportionate to the amount of things you're willing to share with me.

so if i'm not sharing things with you, it's probably because i don't feel that this sharing is 2-way.

but oh well, if you don't wanna share/can't be bothered, i can't force you too right?

this IS NOT towards any individual.

it's just something i want to share so people will understand me more.

(: one sharing a day, keeps accusation away~ :D

lastly, i just told my mummaye that i don't expect to celebrate my birthday this year.

not gonna share the reasons here. way toooooo personal.

it's better not to expect anything than to expect something and be disappointed afterwards.

i've decided how i'm gonna go about with my 21st though (which is 2 years from now. HAHAHAH)

p.s i apologise if this post sounded angsty or rude to you. i was quite angsty while blogging. yup.

Labels: reflection, thoughts

smile with me at 12:56:00 AM

thank you

Tuesday, January 18, 2011♥

whenever i feel like exploding/ranting, she will always be there to listen and give advice to whatever i say without judging me. i feel so calm and relaxed after sharing. thanks a lot (:

i'll definitely know what to do the next time such a thing happens again. thanks a million.

a small sharing of myself.

i've never told anyone that i feel lonely.

and today, the first time in my life, i told someone that "i felt lonely"

it's the kind of emptiness in my heart that made me feel lonely. physical companion doesn't really help in this case. no matter how much i laugh and joke in school, the emptiness in my heart doesn't really diminish. it's just my mask to laugh and be loud in school to cover all the uncertainty and inferiority in me. :/ i have no idea why i'm sharing such a personal thing today. perhaps i just want people to know me better? (:

but i'm not gonna dwell in self-pity because it's just so not me. i'm gonna move on and fill my heart with meaningful stuff. gonna be the companion or filler to someone else's empty heart (: this shall be one of my 2011 resolutions :D 2012, i'll look back and see if i've fulfilled this resolution :DD

time to set my priorities right.

no more "awwhh-ing" over you.

need to really work super hard for this sem.

*push you to one corner of my mind* :D

JIAYOU QY! 你可以的 ! :D

and to mark this in my memory,

i donated blood today! :D

at NP's Ourspace at 11.50am :D

it felt like i've accomplished something great in my life :D

i'm so sorry i didn't manage to take a photo of my bandage before taking it out.

but smart people like YOU ALL, should know how to make use of the search engine - Google/Yahoo right :D

STRONGLY ENCOURAGE ALL OF YOU TO GO AND DONATE YOUR BLOOD TO SAVE A LIFE! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

it's not painful (i mean, i didn't really feel the pain) heh.

Labels: GMH, happy days, memories

smile with me at 11:30:00 PM

a picture speaks a thousand words

Sunday, January 16, 2011♥

they all say, a picture speaks a thousand words.

so i have a few thousand words here? :/

i wonder what goes through your head when you see me :/

credits: tumblr.com

----------------------------------------------------------------

i'm sorry that i'm not replying you.

i'm sorry that i was being mean.

i'm sorry that things are like that now.

i'm sorry that i ruined yet another friendship.

perhaps i just can't maintain a friendship without ruining anything.

hope you'll have better friends.

thanks for being such an awesome and nice friend, late night msn buddy.

thanks for caring when no one cares.

don't turn back to this friendship, nothing's worth your effort.

hurt is caused, damage is done, sorry or not doesn't matter anymore.

*hug* take care.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

trying to stay positive despite all that's happening recently.

i'm strong enough to survive.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

14/1/11

my hamster died :/

RIP. whenever i walk to the kitchen, heart will sink to the bottom when i don't see the cage there:/ i miss you. i'm sorry.

on a lighter note,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARREN! :D

STAY AWESOME :D

okay, this post is quite late but i wished you many many times that day okay~ :D

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 11:40:00 PM

you

utterly hurt by those simple words from you.

Labels: unhappy memories

smile with me at 12:56:00 PM

have faith in me

Thursday, January 13, 2011♥

yea, this is the reason why i'm still holding on to everything that's keeping me going. things came collapsing on me recently again. and i'm finding it hard to smile and pretend that nothing's wrong when everything's wrong. it hurts to smile now. nonetheless, i just want to reassure everyone of you who's concerned about me that i WILL be alright. i have survived the previous phase and i'm sure i'll survive this phase too. it's just a phase of mine that i have to overcome it alone. I can't possibly depend on someone whenever something happens. It's just not helping me. It's time i stand up alone and deal with whatever that's coming against me (: trust me, friends. if i could, i'll really tell you guys everything that is going through my mind now but the reason why i'm not sharing fully is because the thoughts are all messed up in me and i can't put them into words for you.

yup, have faith in me and continue to pray for me are the only two things you guys can do for me i guess (: thank you all so much for the constant care and love showered on me despite me keeping you guys out of my circle. it's just something i need to learn when overcoming this phase too i guess. to stop pushing people away in fear that they will hurt me. i'm sorry to those whom i've pushed away before we could even get close. it's just me i guess :/ sorry for disappointing you sometimes.

but my greatest apology is to friends whom i've been unable to be there for you when you need me. sorry for promising that i'll be there for you always yet not living up to my promise. it's normal that you chose to drift away from me i guess since i haven't been making the effort to keep up with the friendship between us. it's just bugging me so much that i'm losing myself and friends around me. all i ask is that you'll place your faith in me that one day, when i've finally found myself, i'll come back to our friendship once again and fulfill my promise. this, i promise you my friend that i'll never break my promise again. sorry for the hurt.

i guess i'm no longer gonna try to fix friendships that are broken due to rumors. i'm at a loss of what am i suppose to do if random people just decide to bitch about me and the supposed friend of mine chose to believe them than me. sorry for letting go.

anyway, things are starting to get a little better i guess. with the support from you all, i'm starting to take the step out towards my fears. the steps will continue to come. and one day, i'll be able to smile as real as i can be.

this sums up what i have to say about what had happened to me recently.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

you,

i'm glad i chose to ask you about what happened between us instead of acting like nothing's wrong and slowly drifting apart. what you've requested last night is still in my mind and yes, i'm willing to wait for you to go through everything that you're going through now, friend. i just wanna let you know that no matter what i'm going through now, i'll still be there for you no matter what. no matter what time and where, when you need a listening ear, i'm here. one day, i hope that you'll no longer be an answering machine and share your thoughts and feelings with me freely without me probing much (: i believe that u'll be able to go through this period and be stronger after because you're awesomely strong. :D *hug*

---------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm not going to get emo over you ever again. if this is how things are going to be, i'll just go with the flow and take one step at a time. if things are not going to turn out like how i wish it would be, at least the most i can do is to prevent myself from losing our friendship. i just wanna care for you and be there for you. no expectations at all, i promise. and, isly. (:

---------------------------------------------------------------------

to give up, takes some time.

to carry on, takes some courage.

i choose to carry on for myself & for those who loves me.

thank you so much.

Labels: GMH, thoughts, you(:

smile with me at 3:54:00 PM

TYVM

Wednesday, January 12, 2011♥

i guess, sometimes staying back really helps?

had dinner with pw today and was taking my own sweet time walking to the bus stop. even going to the toilet near cheers. that was when i received an sms from a friend telling me he's staying back in school to wait for another friend. stayed back with him and started having a HTHT (i suppose?). it was great, it was exactly something i need now. long chats to distract me from all that i'm going through now.though we weren't really talking about proper topics and the first 1/2 of our convo was basically about random stuff and disturbings, it really helped alot. everything was going nice and well, was laughing, giggling, retard-ing, nonsense-ing till *poke* we reached the sensitive topic. :/ and i can't believe i broke down infront of you. first time crying so badly in school and to make it worse, infront of you =.= nonetheless, thank you so much for the 2 hours chat (: retarded you may be, but you're still the awesome you i know (:

i'm feeling really shitty inside but nonetheless, life still goes on. stay strong, qy.

just so you know, you just stabbed me damn hard on my heart. and i'm not thankful to you for that. i guess it's your way of expressing that you're just not that into me. wadever reason it may be. damaged/hurt done.

i really need a break.

Labels: GMH, thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 12:49:00 AM

tumblr

Tuesday, January 11, 2011♥

“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
— Uknown

found this on tumblr and immediately knew that i'd to share this (:

and guess wad?

you came to my mind (:

pw, please don't box me ): HAHAHA. i love you :D

Labels: you(:

smile with me at 1:44:00 AM

rainbow after thunderstorm

THANKS A MILLION TRILLION ZILLION~ =D

i'm sorry for all the trouble caused :/

it may seem like a small gesture to you but it really means A LOT to me (:

like a rainbow after a thunderstorm :D

like a guardian angel (yes, i can imagine that =.= face on you BUT i really felt this way :X)

thanks a lot. thanks for everything.

---------------------------------------------------------

~~it got me wondering, where were you. :/~~

~~do you even bother :/~~

Labels: GMH, happy days, thoughts, you(:

smile with me at 1:24:00 AM

random only~

Monday, January 10, 2011♥

just got to import my previous blog's posts to my current blog.

i'm super amused by how i used to blog and i used to use twit language.

HAHAHAHAHA.

TOTALLY CAN'T STAND MYSELF.

random much~

Labels: happy days

smile with me at 2:43:00 AM

One day far from now, I want to just smile comfortably

today was ultimate shitty. :/

shan't elaborate further here since this isn't exactly the right place to say such things.

but would really like to take this opportunity to thank some of the awesomest people in my life that were there for me.

my sister, dina, pw, tp, dnp, jy.

you guys were awesome.

thanks so much for the care and love and for my sister, time spent the whole day with me out when she could go home and rest. =D

i love you guys ttm ttm ttm ttm ttm.

i can tell everyone that i have awesome friends =D be jealous people~ HAHA. okay, no. be nice. u guys can have your awesome friends too =DDD

okay anyway, i was out whole day and i went to NEX =D awesome place i swear. super biggggggggggggggggg~~~~~ then went to vivo to watch [Meet the Parents : Little Fockers ] to cheer up and IT WAS SUPER DUPER HILARIOUS. WAS LAUGHING SO BADLY.

so glad we chose to watch a movie. totally relaxed and cheered up after the movie =D

ohoh, and i did retail therapy. HAHAHAHAHA.

bought 3 tops today. *guilty*

BUT i NOT shopaholic okay~~

i hardly buy clothes. it's all in the name of CNY. HAHAHAHAH.

totally in love with F21 now =DDDDDD

i've been watching ALOT of movies recently. i think GV should give me some platinum membership for being such a loyal movie-ian. LOL. nonsense. crap. i've been blogging nonsense nowadays but i'm a no sense person anyway right. :X

SCHOOL TMR~

I'M HAPPY CUZ I'M FINALLY GOING BACK TO A SCHOOL LIFE BUT I'M NOT HAPPY CUZ IT MEANS I'M GONNA BE DROWNED WITH SCHOOLWORK AGAIN. ):

well~~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHI-ER-LING!

19 LOHHH~~

LAO REN LAO REN~

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

----------------------------------------------------------------------

you.

i miss having you to talk to :/

i miss our never-ending conversations.

and today while walking around, i kept seeing things related to you.

till one point, i really thought i was crazy and hallucinating. :X ahh well.

i bet pw is gonna slap me again for thinking of you.

*world peace*

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 1:04:00 AM

i don't know what to say

Saturday, January 08, 2011♥

people are getting sick and tired of me i guess?

haha :/

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OH'11 was fun on the last day!

had lots of laugh (:

people were nice and funny.

it really got all the unhappy stuff off my mind for awhile.

so glad that i chose to volunteer instead of staying at home, dwelling on how noob i am to make myself so upset over such small stuff when people in Cambodia are starving and worrying about not having enough to eat :/

i'm so immature this time. really need to stop all these nonsensical thoughts.

time for the old qy to be back.

time to stay away from you.

this post is so no sense no sense~ BUT I'M TIRED WAD. WAD TO DO. LOL

no la, will post something better tomorrow. *pinky promise* =D

Labels: thoughts

smile with me at 11:23:00 PM

WTS

她让你憔悴许多
她让你不知所措
她一举一动你不停的对我说
我微笑倾听你说
我却越听越心痛
怎么你说的不是我
她比我多了什么
让你愿意耐心等候

我想知道她让你痴心是什么
我想知道她让你疯狂为什么
我知道做的和她没有不同
但是我却不在你心中逗留

我想知道她哪里比我好很多
在你心中她和我有什么不同
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我总换不了你的心动

你让我憔悴很多
你让我不知所措
你一举一动我的心被牵着走
她不经意的走过
你就把我给冷落
嫉妒把我给吞没
她比我多了什么
让你愿意耐心等候

我想知道她让你痴心是什么
我想知道她让你疯狂为什么
我知道做的和她没有不同
但是我却不在你心中逗留

我想知道她哪里比我好很多
在你心中她和我有什么不同
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我总换不了你的心动

我知道了她哪里比我好更多
在你心中我永远不可能会让你心动
我知道我比她付出的还多
可是我在你心中没有她多

this is the best song to suit how i feel now :/

sometimes it's just so stupid how one moment i've decided to give up and the next moment falling even deeper just by a small act from you.

hate myself for being so weak :/ i need to pull myself away from you, now.

Labels: you(:

smile with me at 1:31:00 AM

hurt me not

Friday, January 07, 2011♥

sometimes i just wished that people don't tell me stuff because i can't understand their chim thoughts with my so-called simple mind. yet i really wanna know all the updates, care and be there for them. it's really a hell lot of internal struggle in me. it just sucks kay.

it's not easy for me at all.

so please be kind enough to not be offended by my simple mind. that's all i ask for. but till now, no one is able to forgive my simple mind and share with me without expecting that i'll reply/advice them in the chim manner like them. it's kinda hurting to know that people aren't exactly sharing things with you because you're a dumbass and they don't wanna spend some effort to tell you stuff.

if you're unable to understand and forgive how my mind works, then don't share anything with me anymore i guess. i will never meet your expectation of giving chim advice.

expectations. pfft.

Labels: thoughts

smile with me at 1:35:00 AM

sometimes i just wonder if you bother how i feel/think/do.

smile with me at 1:21:00 AM

keep your head down

i did something kinda daring today?

i told someone that i merely know for a day who i like.

LOL.

but the thing is, i find more comfortable telling someone that i don't know well than someone i'm close with because there is no burden or worry that he/she will tell that person or tell anyone. not like he/she is so free to spread something about an acquaintance right :X

i'm glad i took the step forward in trusting again (:

shall continue to work towards my goal~ =D

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the more i get close, the more i'm afraid of losing it.

i'm not exactly happy now :/

i'm giving up. call me a loser or whatever, i'm really giving up.

i can't believe that i'm crying for you. :/

Labels: thoughts, unhappy memories, you(:

smile with me at 12:29:00 AM

merci

Wednesday, January 05, 2011♥

you came to my mind today as i was looking through all the photos i had.

memories were really POURING IN. i was reminded of how i got to know your existence, how i first talked to you and all those silly little conversations. all those silly disturb-ings from you. :P

i never told you before about me screenshot-ing one of the conversation we had about you assuring me about something. don't read too much into it, it's just me wanting to keep it as a memory (:

i guess i have never once told you a secret i had about you.

that is, you have left an impact in my life and you were the one who changed me and my perceptions about relationships and friendships and a lot of things. .

without you, i will probably still be someone who doesn't trust easily and have this wall between myself and others. you never know how much you've done to help me. i'm sorry that i'm not of much help though :X you're super chim and i'm just super simple? :/ i also wish to be so chim but i just can't ): limited space up there *points to head* ahh well :/ i'll try to be chim~~ for everyone! =D

though we end up quite badly now, being friends that hardly talk, i just wanna take this opportunity to thank you for all your retardedness that led to the building of our friendship. i never knew we will be friends and ya, i'm glad to have a friend like you (: for all that you've done for me during our short (few months) friendship, thank you (:

i'm sorry for all the nonsense? that i've created. i guess i must have gave u a hell load of troubles :X was being immature in the past (not that i've matured a lot now) but yea, that was the old qy. hopefully one day when we both can really have the regular chats we have again, i'll show you the new qy.

you're one friend i regretted losing.

take care buddy. have been reading your blog regularly and realise that there are somethings going on in your life but being the usual me, i don't dare to approach you and ask you about it for fear that you might not want to share and it will end up making me feel that the gap between us is getting wider. ignorance is bliss i guess (: i just wanna assume that we're still friends (: though you might not be visiting my blog anymore but i'm just keeping my fingers crossed, hoping that one day you might chance upon my blog and see this post. no, i'm not expecting anything to happen after you read this post. i just hope that u'll understand that u're not a bad friend to anyone and hope you'll continue to stay awesome as you are (:

signing off,

your friend

Labels: reflection, thoughts

smile with me at 2:52:00 AM

new year, new start

Sunday, January 02, 2011♥

new year, new start, new resolution (:

- don't tell you (: -

my TO-DO list for these few months:
1. get a new job to earn money for my laptop
2. study hard and push-up my GPA
3. lose weight (DAMN important)

smile with me at 3:07:00 AM

stay tuned

Saturday, January 01, 2011♥

i'm suppose to do up my 2011's resolution and sum up of wad i've done for 2010 + a blog post on my manicure today.
but i'm just super duper tired to do anything.
in the last 48 hours, i only had 1 hr 30 mins (or less) of sleep.
super tired now that my brain is not working.
loads of photos to upload to.
so yup.
just like what the title says, "stay tuned"
i'll do up the 3 posts tmr.
definitely (:
goodnight ppl. i'm off to lala land.

Labels: happy days

smile with me at 2:51:00 AM

goodbye 2010, hello 2011 (:

Happy 2011!

But before we start celebrating for the brand new year, i shall look back at all the BIG things i've done in 2010 =D

February